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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Doctors, nurse and teachers are very crucial for the society as compared to actors and sports man.. do you agree with it or not?

#doctors #nurse #teachers #society #actors #sports #man
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Education is the key to success. Healthcare workers and
teachers
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 play a vital role in the development of
society
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 and they should be motivated more as compared to actors and the fun industry. I completely agree with
this
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 statement. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will describe some points to support my opinion. First of all, medical practitioners and nurses are one of the main building blocks of the
society
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. Without them, it
will
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would
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 be completely impossible to survive in
this
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 modern and rapidly growing world. They are
also
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 considered
also
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 consider as the national heroes of the country. They should be involved more as compared to actors and sportsmen because any country can survive without entertainment industry and sports events but it can not survive without doctors and paramedics.
Secondly
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,
teachers
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 play a very crucial role in the development of the
society
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. Without
teachers
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, nobody can become more successful in their life. It is the first step in every individual that we start learning from others either from outside or from our home. The person who taught us anything is our teacher. They helped all individuals to become what they are now it's either doctors or engineers it's all
due to
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 the efforts of our
teachers
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. Without
teacher
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a teacher
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, nobody will help
society
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 to gain valuable knowledge to make our
society
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 more prosperous.
On the other hand
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, the entertainment industry and sportsman are
also
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 very important as they provide a source of enjoyment and relaxation to our community through their work. But they all are second to the basic necessity of other fields like health care workers and
teachers
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 In conclusion, individuals working in the health sector and educators are very vital for building a developed
society
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. Nowadays parents are more inclined to make their kids doctors and instructors for a better future and more job opportunities.
Submitted by ijazwamiq on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, mention specific cases or studies where healthcare workers and teachers have shown significant impact on society.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the clarity and grammatical accuracy of your sentences to enhance understanding. For example, "They are also considered also consider as the national heroes of the country," can be refined to, "They are also considered national heroes of the country."
coherence cohesion
Divide your text into more concise and clear paragraphs to enhance readability. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear stance on the topic. This helps in setting the context and summarizing your viewpoint effectively.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a clear understanding of the importance of healthcare workers and teachers, and have articulated your opinion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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