IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some students take 1 year of between finishing school and going to universities,in order to travel or to work. Do you think advantages outwiegh the disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that some teenagers after high school
thinks for
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 a
rest moment
Correct word order
moment to rest
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held
apply
Check wording
belief
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 that a minor break could help your mind to explore yourself again, there is
also
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 an argument that stopping the vehicle in the middle of the road
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 may
arrive you
Verb problem
result
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 in
late
Verb problem
being late
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timing
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apply
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
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 every second in life, so they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 waste even a day of their life.
In other words
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, they think free time would only bring negative
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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, because
it is actually there is
Correct word order
there is actually
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 nothing to deal with it.
In addition
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, my friend Joseph spent his
all
Correct determiner usage
whole
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 summer preparing for college to achieve
advanced
Correct article usage
an advanced
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 level when he
get
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gets
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 into university.
For example
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, after
that
Add a comma
that,
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 he was the only student who got A grades from his classes. Only by focusing on his future
he did
Correct word order
did he do
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 a great job, after that he took a mini
small
Correct word choice
apply
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break to reward himself.
On the other hand
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, experience
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 from activities
such
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 as
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that
,
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apply
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 a mini break could heal your mind, but people should use it in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 right way, because some experiences as party nights is dangerous
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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on
Change preposition
for
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teenagers
Punctuation problem
teenagers,
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 because
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 attract the
good
Correct word choice
bad
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 side
from
Change preposition
of
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 the brain.
Moreover
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, teenagers
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the most possible age to get them far away,
while
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 his expecting to glow up in
this
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 off year, he might go far from his expectations.
For instance
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, my father travelled to Scotland after graduation to improve his English level.
Although
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 my grandparents were with him on the trip,
still
Rephrase
apply
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some boys with no future stole his mind a little bit, before my grandfather
knows
Wrong verb form
knew
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 about his actions and
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
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 him back on the right
way
Check wording
track
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. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that a few steps
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 you on huge level if you understand how to deal with it
, when
Punctuation problem
. When
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 other boys start to play, you will be
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furthermore
Rephrase
even more
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 successful.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say early if you think the good points are more than the bad points.
task response
Give one clear main idea in each body part, and explain it with simple reasons.
task response
Your opinion at the end is not fully clear. Keep the same view from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler linking words like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Make them shorter and put one idea in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make examples connect more directly to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to show both sides of the topic.
task response
You used examples about your friend and your father.
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