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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that technology has made people less sociable, while others believe it has improved the way people communicate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is an irrefutable fact that
technology
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 plays a significant role in every aspect of modern lifestyle.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that
technology
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 has diminished the need
of
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for
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 social
interaction
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 among humans, others reject
this
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 notion and contend that it has enhanced the ways of communication. I strongly agree with the former statement.
Although
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technology
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 has made virtual
interaction
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 highly convenient, face-to-face
interaction
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 has vital significance in an individual’s life. On the one hand, technological advancements have provided easy and affordable channels for communication. The social media platforms,
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp messenger have enabled
people
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 to broaden their friend circle.
People
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, especially young adults, nowadays can connect with like-minded
people
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 through digital media.
This
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 results in fostering their relationship and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 enhance their knowledge about diverse cultures.
Moreover
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, these digital channels have provided great support to international students with a cheaper and instant medium to connect with their families, which was unimaginable previously
due to
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 distance and cost. The video calls and messaging apps ensure that families can remain closely connected, thereby strengthening their emotional bond.
On the other hand
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, others argue that
technology
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 has led to social isolation. Many individuals
,
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apply
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 no longer feel the need to attend social events because they assume everything will be shared on social media.
As a result
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, personal relationships, particularly within families, may weaken.
For instance
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, young adults may prefer chatting in online groups rather than participating in family gatherings or social clubs, which reduces the opportunities
of
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for
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 meaningful in-person bonding.
Apart from
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this
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, if
people
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 excessively rely on
technology
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, their ability to develop strong interpersonal skills and empathy deteriorates, potentially leading to feelings of loneliness and emotional disconnect. In conclusion,
although
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 digital communication is greatly useful in making connectivity with family and friends easier, it has substituted physical meetings and social
interaction
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.
Therefore
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, the disadvantages of modern
technology
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 clearly outweigh its advantages.

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task response
For task response, your view is clear from the start, and you keep it in the essay. This is good. But in the end, you change the question a little by saying the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. It is better to stay with agree or disagree only.
task response
For task response, add one more direct reason for why technology makes people less social. This will make your answer more full and strong.
task response
For task response, your examples are relevant, but they are quite general. Add one clear real-life example in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking is good, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'. But you can use a few more simple links inside paragraphs to show cause and result more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences are long and carry many ideas. Try to split a few of them into shorter sentences so each main point stands out more clearly.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own clear opinion.
task response
Your main points are relevant to the question and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized with a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas connect in a logical order, so the essay is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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