IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, modern buildings are changing the character and appearance of towns and cities. Some people believe that countries should protect their cultural identity by insisting that all new buildings are built in a traditional style. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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The modern facities are modified the character and view of towns and cities in the majority of countries. It is believed that countries should preserve their cultural identity by making traditional
architecture
Use synonyms
 compulsory for all new
buildings
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 traditional
architecture
Use synonyms
 plays
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 role in protecting cultural identity, I think countries should not
be applied
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all new
buildings
Use synonyms
. One
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view is that traditional
architecture
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 new buildingins protect cultural heritage. Facilities
desingned
Correct your spelling
designed
 in a traditional
style
Use synonyms
 reflect
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 history,
value
Correct article usage
the value
show examples
 of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 and it
incourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 future
generation
Check wording
generations
show examples
 to be connected with their roots.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
architecture
Use synonyms
 can enhance national
indetity
Correct your spelling
identity
 and attract tourists who are
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in local culture.
For instance
Linking Words
, cities
such
Linking Words
 as Amsterdam and Glasgow are well known for their traditional
architecture
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, which not only
preserve
Correct subject-verb agreement
preserves
show examples
 the uniqueness but
also
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contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 significantly to
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 industry.
Therefore
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, building new structures in a traditional
style
Use synonyms
 can preserve a country’s cultural heritage
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 boosting the economy
On the other hand
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, I believe it is unreasonable to require all new
buildings
Use synonyms
 to follow traditional
Use synonyms
architecture
Replace the word
architectural
 styles. New facilities are often
constracted
Correct your spelling
constructed
 to meet modern needs,
such
Linking Words
 as air
condition
Replace the word
conditioning
, parking, modern gas and water
system
Check wording
systems
show examples
, entertaiment places.
However
Linking Words
 majority of traditional
style
Use synonyms
buildings
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 order
for being
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 old
they
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 are not suitable for
todays
Correct your spelling
today's
 needs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, living in
well-constracted
Correct your spelling
well-constructed
 facilities
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 compared to
old
Correct your spelling
old-style
style
Use synonyms
 residences.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is useless to require traditional
architecture
Use synonyms
 in all parts of
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
. In conclusion, despite the importance of
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
style
Use synonyms
 encourages to protect cultural heritage and identity, it should not be compulsory for all
buildings
Use synonyms
. It is better to follow
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
startegy
Correct your spelling
strategy
 for both preserving culture and modernity

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Put the first sentence in a simple and direct way.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like 'Firstly', 'In addition', 'However', and 'As a result'. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Add one more clear example or detail for your second main point. This will make your support stronger.
task achievement
Answer the question in a more direct way from the start. Say clearly how much you agree or disagree.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they need more explanation.
task achievement
Make sure every idea is fully relevant to the question about traditional style for all new buildings.
task achievement
You gave both sides of the topic, which helps answer the question.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You used an example about cities to support your view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern
  • traditional
  • buildings
  • culture
  • identity
  • history
  • economic
  • job
  • growth
  • tourism
  • balance
  • architecture
  • landscape
  • policy
  • promote
  • heritage
  • community
  • locals
  • unique
  • preserve
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