IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These days, if people have health problems, many do not visit doctors. They try to get better at home by themselves. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Recently, many people have decided to treat their mild
symptoms’ disease
Check wording
symptoms
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 at home
instead
Linking Words
 of
a
Verb problem
seeking
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 medical consultation.
While
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 self-
treatment
Use synonyms
 has a remarkable impact on reducing
load
Correct article usage
the load
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 of
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
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 appointment waiting list, over-reliance on AI and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 for diagnosis can delay adequate
treatment
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 and
make
Verb problem
lead to
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 serious medical consequences. On the one hand,
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 in some countries
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due
Verb problem
has gradually increased due
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 to the high rate of migration and birth
has gradually increased day by day
Correct word order
apply
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,
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also
Correct word choice
and
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 many healthcare systems suffer from
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of qualified medical
professional
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professionals
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.
Moreover
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, insurance
company and free medical facilities face with a
Correct word order
companies and free medical facilities face
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 great financial complications after
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
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.
Hence
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, people should wait some weeks or even months to find a simple appointment to take the proper consultation that they need with a clinician.These long
queue
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queues
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 for medical
condition
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conditions
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 can make receiving
a
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apply
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proper
treatment
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 more difficult for patient who needs an urgent medical care.
Consequently
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, treating minor diseases at home can be a
hand for
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help in
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 handling these
situation
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situations
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 and decrease
these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 overload on medical services.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 AI and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 served as a practical search engine for self-diagnosis and
treatment
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, their prediction may not be faultless
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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Linking Words
also they may
Correct word order
they may also
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 suggest inappropriate medication in some cases. Artificial intelligence is programmed to use
storage
Replace the word
stored
 data, extract and compare the given symptom with identical past medical history, which can have errors in some predictions.
Therefore
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,
relay
Wrong verb form
relying
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 on the internet search engine for human health cannot be a reasonable approach in all medical scenarios, since many diseases may have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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similar symptoms but they need different
treatment
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.
As a result
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,
self-medicate
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self-medication
 and diagnosis can have a long term serious health consequences
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as antibiotic resistance and pose a health risk, which can be irreparable. In conclusion,
although
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 managing mild illness and self-limiting condition in home can ease pressure on hospitals and medical staff,
misdiagnosed
Replace the word
misdiagnosis
 and
delay
Replace the word
delayed
 medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 based on the
networks
Check wording
network's
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 sources can cause some serious complications.

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Task response
Score: 6. Your ideas are clear, but your answer needs more real support. Add one simple example. For example, a person may think chest pain is only stress, but it may need fast medical help.
Task response
Make your view stronger in the first part. Say clearly that this is a negative development overall, even if it can help with small health problems.
Task response
Keep the focus on people who stay at home. Some points about migration, birth rate, insurance, and the pandemic are too wide and take space from your main answer.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The main order is good, but some long sentences are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences with one main idea in each.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part more direct. For example: “Self-treatment can help hospitals deal with small health problems.” Then explain it.
Coherence and cohesion
Use link words carefully. Some links are not natural, such as “Consequently, treating minor diseases at home can be a hand”. Write: “As a result, home treatment for small problems can reduce pressure on health services.”
Coherence and cohesion
Check word links between sentences. For example, use “This problem”, “Such delays”, or “These risks” to make the next sentence connect more smoothly to the one before it.
Task response
You answer the question clearly. Your main view is that this is more negative than positive.
Task response
You give both sides: less work for doctors and hospitals, but danger from wrong self-treatment.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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