IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

'Prevention is better than cure''. Researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invets in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree

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There has been a heated debate about whether pre-emptive actions for
diseases
Use synonyms
 have a bigger effect than investing in
cure
Correct article usage
a cure
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.
While
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 some people state that preventative actions help save money for health and prevent family breakdown, other opponents argue that curing is the best way to solve health issues. In
this
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 essay, I strongly agree that investing in
prevention
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 brings a more ripple effect.
To begin
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 with, taking proactive
measures
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 is more
of importance
Replace the word
important
 as curing
diseases
Use synonyms
 requires a more significant amount of cost.
For example
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, when patients are diagnosed with cancer, they must undergo examinations through PET-CT and MRI, followed by chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
Therefore
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, the whole process places financial burdens on their family. Not only does
this
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 situation affect household finances, but it
also
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 extends beyond their mental status
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as depression.
This
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 is because only one supporter takes all responsibility for their household. Considering these consequences,
diseases
Use synonyms
 should be
pre-empted
Correct your spelling
preempted
 by proper
measures
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.
On the other hand
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, there is another opposite opinion stating that preventative
measures
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 are usually time-consuming.
This
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 is because developing technologies and medicines for
prevention
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 usually takes a few decades and requires a vast
number
Check wording
amount
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 of
budgets
Replace the word
funding
, placing financial burdens on governments and their citizens.
For instance
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, developing HPV vaccines took over 20 years until
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 settled in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 medical field and patients received them with safety.
While
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 those preventative technologies are developing, patients cannot wait for them to be released. Despite these drawbacks, the positive effects of
prevention
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 should not be ignored
as
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, as
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 new preventative
measures
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 enable people to live longer and prevent contagious
diseases
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. In conclusion,
while
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 there is still an argument over which is more valuable between disease
prevention
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 and cure, preventing
diseases
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 in advance is more meaningful considering
overall
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 life expectancy.

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task response
Score: 6. You answer the question and give a clear view, but explain more directly why prevention is better than treatment. Your first main point is about cost, but your second main point first gives a case against prevention. Make each body part clearly support your view.
task response
Your ideas are good, but some need more detail. For example, say how prevention can stop people from getting sick, lower the number of hospital visits, and save money for both families and the state.
task response
Be careful with claims. The point about “family breakdown” is strong but not fully shown. Give a clear link: a long and costly illness may cause stress, loss of work, and money problems at home.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order is mostly clear, but the second body part is less clear. It starts with the other side, then returns to your view. You could write one short body part about the other side and then clearly show why your view is still stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not smooth. For example, after the cancer example, explain the result in one clear step before moving to mental health and family life.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple, clear topic sentences. For example: “Prevention can save a great deal of money in the long term.” Then give one example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your view, which is good. Make it stronger by restating both main reasons: prevention saves money and helps people avoid serious illness.
task response
Your main view is clear: you agree that prevention should get more money.
task response
You give two useful examples: cancer care and the HPV vaccine.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words such as “To begin with”, “For example”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • public health campaigns
  • health education
  • healthy lifestyle
  • regular physical activity
  • balanced diet
  • early detection
  • routine health checks
  • screening programmes
  • vaccination programmes
  • avoidable illnesses
  • lifestyle-related diseases
  • reduce the burden on hospitals
  • healthcare expenditure
  • medical research
  • life-saving treatment
  • genetic conditions
  • long-term savings
  • allocate public funds
  • a balanced approach
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