IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say the government should spend money on providing faster public transport while others believe the government should give priority to other factors such as cost and the effect on environment. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Some individuals say that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend money on providing rapid public
transport
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 half believe the
government
Use synonyms
 should give priority to other factors
such
Linking Words
 as cost and the
effect
Use synonyms
 on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
transportation
Use synonyms
 rather than the
effect
Use synonyms
 and cost on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide
faster
Correct article usage
a faster
show examples
 way of
transportation
Use synonyms
 by public
transport
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some
people
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 may refuse driving
car
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due to
Linking Words
 wasting time and fuel
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 traffic
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many individuals hate driving
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 because of their
inpatience
Correct your spelling
impatience
,
while
Linking Words
 spending time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 traffic
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, making public
transport
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 faster is
really
Correct article usage
a really
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 important point for local
people
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 and tourists.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, providing rapid public
transportation
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can affect
positively on
Correct word order
people's
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 health
.
Rephrase
positively.
show examples
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will
have daily sit less
Correct word order
sit less daily
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 than
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
driving
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car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
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 can use travelling by
walk
Wrong verb form
walking
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 or bycicle which
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
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affect beneficially
Replace the word
beneficial
 to health.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 may spend hours in the
car
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due to
Linking Words
loaded
Correct word choice
congested
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 roads and lose their focus
as
Correct word choice
while
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 watching social
medias
Check wording
media
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 or being online.
As a result
Linking Words
, using public
transport
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 can
affect
Verb problem
be beneficial
show examples
 to
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people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 health
beneficially
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, providing rapid public
transport
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much
Verb problem
is much
show examples
 more important than making changes in cost and
effect
Use synonyms
 of public
transport
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.I believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 making
rapid
Correct article usage
a rapid
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
 system
also
Linking Words
 affects
on
Change preposition
the
show examples
effect
Use synonyms
 of that.

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task response
Overall score: 5. Your answer gives your view, but it does not fully answer the other side. The question asks about fast transport versus cost and the environment. You should explain why cost and the environment are less important, or show why fast transport can also help them.
task response
Your first reason is clear, but develop it more. Say how faster buses or trains can reduce long traffic lines and help people get to work, school, or home on time.
task response
Your health point is not fully clear. Public transport does not always mean people sit less. Explain that people may walk to stations, use a bike, or have less stress than when they drive in slow traffic.
task response
Use more direct examples. For example: “A fast train can carry many people, so fewer cars are on the road.” This also links your view to cost and the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body part. Body 1 can be about saving time. Body 2 can be about fewer cars and cleaner air. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
“On the other hand” usually shows the other side of an argument. Here, you are giving another reason for your own view. Use “Second” or “In addition” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the ideas are joined in an unclear way. Use short sentences: “Many people spend hours in traffic. This wastes fuel and time. Faster public transport can solve this problem.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion stronger. Restate your view and give the two best reasons. Also mention cost and the environment in one short sentence.
task response
You give a clear opinion: the government should spend more on faster public transport.
task response
You use two main reasons: less time in traffic and better health.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “First of all”, “For instance”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public transport
  • environmentally friendly
  • productivity
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • sustainable
  • affordability
  • accessibility
  • ecological impact
  • government spending
  • technology
  • social benefit
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