IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should invest more money in public transportation rather than building roads for private cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Transportation
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 is one of the main things that
shapes
Correct subject-verb agreement
shape
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 the
city
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. Governments who invests money
on
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in
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 their
transportation
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helps
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help
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 to improve many sectors,
such
Linking Words
 as tourism, industry, trade and sustainability.
This
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 essay will discuss both public and private sectors in relation to
transportation
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. On the one hand, improving public
transportation
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 will help the
city
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 to be more sustainable, the noise that usually occurs from vehicles will be extremely less, which will
efects
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affect
 the
citizens
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citizens'
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 mood. The
city
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 will be less crowded,
the
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and the
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 impact
to
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on
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 pollution will be reduced as well. Even the expenses that each individual usually pays for his private vehicle
,
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apply
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 will be invested in something more valuable
so
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, so
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 in that
way
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way,
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 he will start saving more money and plan more for his future if the public
transportation
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 in the
city
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became
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becomes
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 more efficient. 
Additionally
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, the physical health will improve as well
, people
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. People
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 will get to walk more to get to their stations because
,
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apply
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 the public
transportation
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 doesn't get you to your destination's entrance
,
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;
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 it will take you to the station near
to
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apply
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your desired location, from there you
hqve
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have
 to walk to
finally
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 get there.
This
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 is how it will
improve's
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improve
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citizens
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citizens'
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 health and fitness.
On the other hand
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, people who
prefers
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prefer
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 to ride their own cars
,
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apply
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 will
get
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apply
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benefit if the public
transportation
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 system
improved
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is improved
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. Because
,
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apply
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 the roads will be safer
,
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apply
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 and less crowded
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they can arrive
to
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at
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 their destinations faster. Based on these reasons, I agree that good investment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
transportation
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 will be more beneficial to both sectors. 
To conclude
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with
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apply
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, good investments in any sector will help the
city
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 to improve
their
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its
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 infrastructure and
their
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its
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 image as well. Public
transportation
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 and private vehicles are both important
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 we can't ignore any of them, but as I said earlier, the improvements of public
transportation
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 will reflect positively on the private sector.

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Task response
Estimated score: 6. Your answer is on topic and your opinion is clear. To reach 7, explain your key ideas more fully. For example, say how fewer cars can cut air pollution, or give one city example where buses or trains work well.
Task response
The question asks how far you agree or disagree. State your view more directly in the first part, for example: “I agree that governments should spend more on public transport than on new roads for private cars.”
Task response
Your second body part is short. Add one more reason why drivers also gain, such as fewer traffic jams, safer roads, and faster travel for work or emergencies.
Task response
Be careful with the last part. You say both are important, which is fair, but make sure your main view stays strong: public transport should get more money, while roads still need basic care.
Coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body part. Body 1 has many ideas in one very long part: noise, pollution, money, health, and walking. Split it into shorter parts or choose two main ideas and develop them well.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, “This is how it will improve's citizens health and fitness” should be “This is how it will improve citizens’ health and fitness.” Use short, direct sentences to make the flow clearer.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “as well” and “will improve” many times. Use simple changes such as “also”, “in addition”, or start a new sentence.
Coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main idea, which is good. Make it stronger by saying your final answer in one direct sentence, without adding a new broad point about all sectors.
Task response
You give a clear view: you agree that public transport should get more money. Your main reasons are clear: less pollution, less noise, lower cost for people, better health, and less traffic.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. The order is easy to follow: public transport first, then car users, then your final view.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “Additionally”, “On the other hand”, and “To conclude”. These help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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