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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Aisu2

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‏The line graph illustrates the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
shop
Use synonyms
 closures and
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 in a particular country from 2011 to 2018. ‏
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
shop
Use synonyms
 closures
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher than
those
Fix the agreement mistake
that
show examples
 of
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2011 and
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 the
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of shops that opened
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the highest .
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 declined sharply over the period,
while
Linking Words
shop
Use synonyms
 closures showed a dramatic fluctuation throughout the period. ‏Moving to details, in
2011
Punctuation problem
2011,
show examples
 the number of
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 was around 8500 which was the highest figure. It
then
Linking Words
 witnessed a significant decline over the period, falling to about 3000 in 2018.
Additionally
Linking Words
, between 2011 and
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 the
figure
Check wording
number
show examples
 of closed shops experienced a sharp drop from almost 6200 to just above 500. ‏
Conversely
Linking Words
, there was a steady growth in the number of shops that opened from nearly 400 to just over 6000 between 2012 and 2014 before remaining stable from 2015 to 2017.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both figures were similar in 2014 at approximately 600

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shop, openings with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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