Nowadays, news companies spend a lot of money covering international news. However, local news is more relevant to people's lives and should receive more funding. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There are a lot of
people
in poor Use synonyms
countries
who catch a curable Use synonyms
disease
and die because of the Use synonyms
Use synonyms
prices
of medication. I believe that Fix the agreement mistake
price
drug
Use synonyms
companies
should make their Use synonyms
medicine
cheaper in these Use synonyms
countries
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, some Linking Words
countries
suffer economically, and like every other country, their Use synonyms
people
catch a Use synonyms
disease
. The Use synonyms
prices
of the medication they need cause them to die. Use synonyms
Medicine
should be cheaper in these Use synonyms
countries
because we humans are all equal. Use synonyms
Drug
Use synonyms
companies
should understand Use synonyms
this
fact and decrease the Linking Words
prices
of medication in poor Use synonyms
countries
. Use synonyms
For example
, in the summer of 2020, thousands of Linking Words
people
died in Sudan because of the monkey flower Use synonyms
disease
. They did not die because of the Use synonyms
disease
itself; they died because of the Use synonyms
medicine
Use synonyms
prices
in their country. Some rich Use synonyms
people
donated hundreds of pills, but it was not enough. The ones who have to take action are Use synonyms
drug
Use synonyms
companies
, not wealthy Use synonyms
people
.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, there are some unserious diseases that might kill Linking Words
people
, like gonorrhoea. Use synonyms
Gororrhoea
is a common Correct your spelling
Gonorrhoea
disease
that has a very low rate of killing Use synonyms
people
. Because Use synonyms
people
think it is not a deadly Use synonyms
disease
, which it can be, Use synonyms
people
do not spend their money on these medicines. Use synonyms
For instance
, in Turkey, some Linking Words
people
who catch gonorrhoea do not use any Use synonyms
medicine
because of the Use synonyms
prices
, and they risk their own lives.
In conclusion, I think that Use synonyms
people
who live in undeveloped Use synonyms
countries
should not die because of their budget. Many Use synonyms
people
died in these Use synonyms
countries
and will die in the future if Use synonyms
drug
Use synonyms
companies
do not take action.Use synonyms
Submitted by enver07600 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To improve the task response, you should address the essay question more directly in the introduction. Make sure to state your position on whether drug companies should lower the prices of medication in poor countries.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use more transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs. This will help the essay flow more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Use more complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced argument by discussing potential counterarguments and then refuting them. This will strengthen your position and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position on the issue.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, which help to illustrate your points and make your argument more persuasive.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite