Nowadays, news companies spend a lot of money covering international news. However, local news is more relevant to people's lives and should receive more funding. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There are a lot of
people
in poor
countries
who catch a curable
disease
and die because of the
prices
Fix the agreement mistake
price
show examples
of medication. I believe that
drug
companies
should make their
medicine
cheaper in these
countries
.
Firstly
, some
countries
suffer economically, and like every other country, their
people
catch a
disease
. The
prices
of the medication they need cause them to die.
Medicine
should be cheaper in these
countries
because we humans are all equal.
Drug
companies
should understand
this
fact and decrease the
prices
of medication in poor
countries
.
For example
, in the summer of 2020, thousands of
people
died in Sudan because of the monkey flower
disease
. They did not die because of the
disease
itself; they died because of the
medicine
prices
in their country. Some rich
people
donated hundreds of pills, but it was not enough. The ones who have to take action are
drug
companies
, not wealthy
people
.
Secondly
, there are some unserious diseases that might kill
people
, like gonorrhoea.
Gororrhoea
Correct your spelling
Gonorrhoea
is a common
disease
that has a very low rate of killing
people
. Because
people
think it is not a deadly
disease
, which it can be,
people
do not spend their money on these medicines.
For instance
, in Turkey, some
people
who catch gonorrhoea do not use any
medicine
because of the
prices
, and they risk their own lives. In conclusion, I think that
people
who live in undeveloped
countries
should not die because of their budget. Many
people
died in these
countries
and will die in the future if
drug
companies
do not take action.
Submitted by enver07600 on

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task achievement
To improve the task response, you should address the essay question more directly in the introduction. Make sure to state your position on whether drug companies should lower the prices of medication in poor countries.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use more transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs. This will help the essay flow more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Use more complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced argument by discussing potential counterarguments and then refuting them. This will strengthen your position and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position on the issue.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, which help to illustrate your points and make your argument more persuasive.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immediacy
  • relevance
  • community cohesion
  • investigative journalism
  • accountability
  • mismanagement
  • economic argument
  • globalization
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • well-rounded global perspective
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