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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people enjoy spending time by themselves, while others prefer doing things with other people. In your experience, what are the pros and cons of spending time alone? Inbox

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People
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 have different opinions about spending
time
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 alone. In my view, I think spending
time
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 alone has
both
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 positive and negative sides.
This
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 essay will discuss
both
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 of them. On one hand, there are a number of
people
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 who prefer spending their
time
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 alone. They think being alone from
time
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 to
time
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 helps to reduce stress and gives a clear mind.
Also
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spending
Punctuation problem
, spending
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 some
time
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 alone helps
people
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 to take care of their own
motions
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needs
show examples
 without thinking about heartening anyone.
For example
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,
sometime
Rephrase
sometimes
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 when I feel anger on my
children
Punctuation problem
children,
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 my parents told me that I should go out and stay alone for
short
Correct article usage
a short
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time
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 until feeling relaxed.
On the other hand
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, there are multiple
people
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would
Correct pronoun usage
who would
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 rather
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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spend their
time
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 with other
people
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. They thought that spending
time
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 with others brings happiness and pleasure.
Also
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 have a talk with some friends will increase their positive emotions and
helped
Wrong verb form
help
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 them to solve any issues.
For instance
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, talking with
people
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 can remove some of the stress and help to have a good way of thinking. In conclusion,
people
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 can choose either one depending on the situation, because
both
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 of them are useful.
Last
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and
Correct word choice
but
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 not least, there are a lot of positives and negatives for
both
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 of
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thus
Correct determiner usage
these
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 opinions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it depends on
people
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’s views.

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task response
Score: 5. Your main ideas are clear, but the bad points of being alone are not fully explained. The second main part is mostly about the good points of being with other people. Add clear bad points, such as feeling sad, having no one to help, or less time to share ideas.
task response
Give one more clear example of a bad point. For example: “If a person spends too much time alone, they may feel sad and may not get help when they have a problem.”
task response
Make each point more full. Say the point, explain why it happens, and then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Your order is easy to follow, but some ideas do not link well. In the second part, say clearly that you are now writing about the bad side of time alone.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the change: “However, spending too much time alone can also be bad.” Then give two bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Your end repeats the same idea. Make it shorter and clearer: “In short, time alone can help people rest, but too much time alone can make them feel sad. A good balance is best.”
coherence and cohesion
Check long sentences. Some are hard to read. For example, write: “When I feel angry with my children, my parents tell me to go out alone for a short time. This helps me feel calm.”
task response
You answer both parts: good points and bad points of time alone.
task response
You give a real example about taking a short time alone when you feel angry.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful link words, such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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