IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors to take part in major competitions such as Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age.

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Many nations prepare
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 for training athletes to join tp the major competitions
such
Linking Words
 as
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 FIFA Euro or
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
. Meanwhile, some of invididuals have thought that money should be taken to inspire
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation to start playing
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
. In my opinion, I strongly agree that having
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 to encourage children to pick up
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 is more important, and the following examples will be provided in order to support my point of view. One of the most important reasons why
fund
Check wording
funds
show examples
 should be allocated for motivating kids
to begin
Linking Words
 in
sport
Use synonyms
 indurstry is that youngster is the next generation to grow up and devolop country.
Therefore
Linking Words
, goverment should provide
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 to build
facility
Correct article usage
a facility
show examples
 for them or do a schoolarships.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest survey conducted by Bangkok
Use synonyms
sport high school
Capitalize the proper name
Sport High School
show examples
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 was
realed
Correct your spelling
revealed
 that 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of students are motivated to
pick on
Verb problem
participate in sports
show examples
sport
Use synonyms
 because
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 provides goods
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 instance, education funds and exercise
facility
Check wording
facilities
show examples
. Another reason to
sport
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 is the fact that it can lead them to be
more healthy
Replace the word
healthier
 and good-looking.
This
Linking Words
Linking Words
due
Verb problem
is due
show examples
 to the
face
Use the right word
fact
show examples
 that good
condition of mentally
Replace the word
mental
 and physical
can
Check wording
health can
show examples
 build them to be more confident. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, in recent academic education
test
Check wording
tests
show examples
, it has been reported that pupils who have training activities
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
after school hours have
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 tendency to concentrate
efficienly
Correct your spelling
effectively
 when they need to do tests and play activities. In conclusion,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is undoubtedly
ture
Correct your spelling
true
 that a number of nations should organise financial
for
Check wording
support for
show examples
 the youth because they will be our next fureture gemeration either
sport
Use synonyms
 or education industries.

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task response
Score: 5. Your main answer is clear, but you do not fully deal with the money for top athletes. Say why this money is less important, or say that both kinds of spending can have a place.
task response
Make each reason more clear. For the first point, explain how school money, places to play, and help with costs can get more children into sport.
task response
Your examples need to be more clear and more closely linked to the point. The Bangkok school example has some unclear parts, such as “provides goods”. Use a simple, direct example instead.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The main order is good, but some ideas do not connect well. For example, the point about children helping the country needs more steps between the idea and the result.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a natural way: “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. Do not use long opening lines before the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. In paragraph two, health, looks, confidence, and school tests are all mixed together. Choose health and confidence, then explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph should repeat your answer in clear words. It should not add new ideas about education.
task response
You give a clear view: money for children’s sport is more important.
task response
You give two main reasons: children are the next group, and sport can help health and confidence.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “Another reason”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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