IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more people choose to live in cities rather than in the countryside. What are the reasons for this trend? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, more and more individuals are moving from the countryside to
cities
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons that lead individuals more, and I will state my reasons behind why I believe that
this
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 is a negative development
to
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for
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 the
environment
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. On the one hand, there are several justifications for
people
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 choosing to live in
cities
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 rather than small towns.
First,
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big
cities
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 offer a wider range of job opportunities for citizens, as a results more
people
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 will move there.
Second,
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cities
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 give the chance to meet a
variaty
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variety
 of
people
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 coming from different backgrounds, which will give the person a chance to explore their
culturals
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cultures
 and make new friends with different mindsets.A very good example was a study that accounted for 80 per cent of individuals
more
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moving
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 from
countryside
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the countryside
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 where they farmed, to work in a big
compony
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company
 for food marketing.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 development may cause a huge negative impact on the
environment
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, which will cause air pollution, since the
number of
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apply
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population will increase and more
people
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 will start using public transportation to travel to work. Cars, buses and trucks all these types produce chemicals, which harm the flora and fauna in general.
However
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, not only
the
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will the environment
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environment
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 will be affected, but
also
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 the city itself,
such
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 as the streets and malls. On balance, it is known that
cities
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 offer better opportunities in life than the countryside.
However
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, even though it gives more chances , it leads to a negative effect on the
environment
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.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are clear, but they need more support. Explain how city jobs are better, for example by saying that they often pay more and offer more kinds of work.
task response
The example is hard to understand and does not sound clear: “80 per cent of individuals more from countryside...” Use a simple, real-looking example instead, or explain one made-up example clearly.
task response
For the bad side, do not say that public transport alone causes more air pollution. Buses and trains can reduce pollution if many people use them. Focus on more cars, more homes, more waste, and less green land.
task response
The point about streets and malls is not developed. Say exactly what may happen, such as crowded streets, more rubbish, or high house prices.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, write about jobs and social life. In the second, write about environmental harm and city crowding.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not used well. “On the one hand” usually needs “On the other hand” for two equal sides. Here, you can use “There are two main reasons” for the first body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences connect more smoothly. For example: “This can lead to more traffic and more air pollution.” Avoid long sentences with many ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main view, which is good. Make it stronger by giving a short final reason: city growth can harm the environment if it is not planned well.
task response
You answer both parts: why people move to cities and if this is good or bad.
task response
Your main view is clear: you think this trend is bad for the environment.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words such as “First”, “Second”, “On the other hand”, and “However”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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