The line graph illustrates the number of parcels delivered by two major companies over 80 years, between 1920 and 2000.

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The diagram presents
two
Use synonyms
major mail company services and the number of
packages
Use synonyms
they supplied between 1920 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
Federal Express company
from the start experiences rapid changes
Correct word order
has experienced rapid changes from the start
show examples
throughout the years,
TNT
Use synonyms
rises gradually over the next 60 years, followed by a drastic climb. For the first 40 years,
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
mail companies
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
off to
two
Use synonyms
completely different starts. There is a steep rise by nearly 15000
packages
Use synonyms
in Federal Express in the first 3 decades,
while
Linking Words
TNT
Use synonyms
goes through a gradual growth from 1920 to 1950. Meanwhile, after a drastic climb in Federal Express, it is followed by
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
drop
up
Change preposition
apply
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to 12000
packages
Use synonyms
in 1950. From 1960 to 2000,
two
Use synonyms
companies
cross
Wrong verb form
crossed
show examples
paths once. The number of
packages
Use synonyms
in
TNT
Use synonyms
and Federal Express
meet
Correct subject-verb agreement
meets
show examples
at the approximate mark of 18 in 1980, where
TNT
Use synonyms
undergoes a major increase by roughly 8000
packs
Check wording
packages
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
levels off, after steadily climbing from 1960 to 1980.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words two, packages, tnt with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "express" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "climb" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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