IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, many people think that
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 practical method to enhance
puplic
Correct your spelling
public
health
Use synonyms
 is come through developing sports,
while
Linking Words
 others believe there are several solutions. I
compeletly
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completely
 agree with enhance sports is
that
Correct determiner usage
an
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 essential way for good
health
Use synonyms
. On one hand,
govermints
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governments
 support support sport facilities.
for diffirent
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For different
 reasons
Linking Words
firstly
Punctuation problem
, firstly
show examples
,
global
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the global
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health
Use synonyms
 orgnasation paids million for studies
and
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, and
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 the latest one said a study in 2025
movment
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movement
 daily keeps
individuals
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individuals'
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 70% beeter rether than
they
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if they
show examples
 don’t. On
other
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the other
show examples
 hand, some scientific
nutritions
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nutritionists
 produce
diffirent deit
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different diets
 every day
which
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, which
show examples
 they claim
they
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apply
show examples
improve
health
Use synonyms
instead
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 of sports
such
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 as keto, chemical,
...
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
etc.
However
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, scientific
dotors
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doctors
 create
medicne
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medicine
 that
Punctuation problem
,
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for
instanse monjaro
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instance
, ozimpc In conclusion,
i
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I
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 think perfect
health
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is came
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from
balace
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balance
 between
reguler movment
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regular movement
and
deit
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diet
.

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task response
Overall score: 4. Your ideas answer the question, but they are too short and not fully explained. Write at least two clear ideas for each side, then explain how each idea improves public health.
task response
For the sports side, explain more clearly why new sports places help. For example, parks, pools, and cheap gyms can help people exercise more often and lower the risk of being overweight or ill.
task response
For the other-measures side, give stronger points. You can write about healthy food at school, rules against smoking, free health checks, and health lessons for the public.
task response
Your example about a world health group and “70% better” is not clear and may not be true. Use simple, safe examples that you can explain well.
task response
Keep one opinion from start to end. In the first part, you say sport is the most important way. In the end, you say health comes from both exercise and diet. State this balanced view clearly in the introduction too.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a topic sentence, give one or two reasons, add an example, and end the point.
coherence and cohesion
Your second body paragraph is hard to follow. It moves from diets to medicine very fast. Add clear links: “Another way is…”, “For example…”, and “As a result…”.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat words, as in “support support”. Also, use full sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
A stronger plan is: introduction with both views and your view; body 1 on sports places; body 2 on other public health steps; conclusion with your final view.
task response
You discuss both sides: sport places and other ways, such as food plans and medicine.
task response
Your own view is clear at the end: good health needs both regular movement and a good diet.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words, such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “However”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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