IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Promotions to a higher level should be made from within the company rather than appointing a new person from outside. Do you agree or disagree?

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When filling higher-level positions, companies can either promote existing
staff
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 or hire someone from outside.
This
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 essay completely agrees that promoting internal
staff
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 is better because it builds trust between management and workers
while
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 boosting
overall
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 productivity.
First,
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choosing managers from within the
company
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 strengthens relationships and trust across the workplace. When lower-level
employees
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 get promoted, they already understand the daily problems that regular
staff
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 face. Because they have worked their way up, these new managers know how to fix workplace issues quickly.
This
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 shared background builds strong loyalty and good communication between bosses and
employees
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, which outside hires rarely achieve since they need months just to learn the
company
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 culture.
Second,
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promoting from within acts as a powerful motivation for other workers. When
employees
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 see a former co-worker earn a promotion through hard work, it proves to them that they
also
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 have a future at the
company
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.
This
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 shows that effort is rewarded, encouraging everyone to work harder on their daily tasks.
In contrast
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, constantly bringing in outside managers can make
staff
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 feel frustrated, signalling that loyalty will not help their careers grow. In conclusion, companies should always prefer internal
staff
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 for promotions
instead
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 of hiring outside candidates.
This
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 approach builds strong trust across the
company
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 and keeps
employees
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 motivated to do their best work.

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Task response
Score: 7. Your ideas are clear and well linked to the question. To get a higher score, add one real or more exact example. For example, say how a worker who knows the team can solve a work problem faster after a move up.
Task response
Your last line says companies should “always” choose staff from inside. This is very strong. You could say that outside people may be useful when the company needs new skills or a new way of thinking, but staff from inside should be the first choice.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 8. The order of ideas is very easy to follow. To make it even better, add a small link between the two body parts, such as: “As well as trust, this choice can also push other workers to do more.”
Coherence and cohesion
Some ideas could go one step further. For example, explain how trust leads to better work: staff may speak more freely, so problems can be found and fixed sooner.
Task response
You give a clear view: you agree. Your two main ideas are clear: trust and worker drive.
Task response
Each main point has a reason. This keeps your answer on the topic.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First”, “Second”, “In contrast”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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