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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables provide information about why people travel to destinations out of the country and where they go from 1994 to 1998.

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This
Linking Words
 graph provides key information about travel trends of people to
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 three regions in the world from 1994 to 1998. The three destinations include Western Europe, North
America
Use synonyms
, and other countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is very clear from the figure that Western European countries,
to
Change preposition
apply
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compared with North
America
Use synonyms
 and other areas, were
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 visited region by travellers from 1994 to 1998.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was a gradual increase in the number of people
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to
Westren
Correct your spelling
Western
 Europe
part
Punctuation problem
,
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 from more than 17
thousands
Check wording
thousand
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 in 1994 to about 25
thousands
Check wording
thousand
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 in 1998.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 regions of North
America
Use synonyms
 and other areas had
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 limited number of visitors with
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
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 difference compared to Westren Europe desitination.
Both
Use synonyms
 of them have
about less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 than 2500 travellers from 1994 to 1998.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 have
smillar
Correct your spelling
similar
 trends
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the number of people travelling to
both
Use synonyms
 regions remained stable from 1994 to 1998,
although
Linking Words
 other areas of
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 had a
negligable
Correct your spelling
negligible
 difference
with
Change preposition
apply
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compared to North
America
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words america, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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