IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people today are leaving the countryside and moving to the big cities. Give reasons why people are doing this and give some of the problems this can create.

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Society has undergone many changes, and
this
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 is because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental
affection
Check wording
concerns
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. Many people nowadays are leaving the countryside.
Conversely
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, residents are
also
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 moving to enormous cities.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons and the problems of both of these decisions. On the one hand, there are numerous reasons to leave the hometown.
First,
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learning about new cultural developments is essential.
This
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 growth goes beyond heritage and tradition that influence individuals to collaborate and to communicate successfully.
Also
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, teaching languages helps to understand the atmosphere of the public area.
Second,
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creative industries exist to raise awareness among participants. Putting investments
on
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into
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 huge projects
as well as
Linking Words
 trade marketing
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to exchange products locally and internationally.
Moreover
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, Financial costs are peaking.
Finally
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, shifting to the urban core will lead to excellent education.
This
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 will result
a
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in
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 personal independence, which leads to greater maturity.
For example
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, receiving instructions directly from experts
to get
Verb problem
provides
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 remarkable opportunities for a bright future.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, there are several issues of transferring from
area
Correct determiner usage
one area
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 to another.
First,
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there is traffic congestion. The design capacity
in
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of
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 the street will not handle the
amount
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number
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 of
the
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apply
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cars.
Also
Linking Words
, crashes between vehicles.
Second,
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pollution is a threat.
For example
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, health risks because of the smog and toxic particles that stuck at the surface.
Also
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, spoiled soil will reduce crop yields and
environmental
Verb problem
cause environmental
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 harm. In conclusion, it is clear to see that
while
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 there are many
justification
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justifications
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 for emigration, there are
also
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 risks when heading to
megacity
Correct article usage
a megacity
show examples
.

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task response
Score: 5. Your main answer is clear, but many ideas do not directly explain why people leave the countryside. Focus on key reasons such as jobs, better pay, schools, hospitals, and more services.
task response
Explain each reason with a clear result. For example: “People move to cities because there are more jobs and they can earn more money.”
task response
Some points are not clear or do not fit the question, such as languages, creative industries, trade marketing, and financial costs. Remove them unless you clearly link them to moving to cities.
task response
Your example about experts and a bright future is too general. Give one real example: “A student may move to a city to study at a good university.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, talk only about reasons. In the second, talk only about problems.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas easier to follow. Start with the most common reason, jobs, then add education and health care. Then write about traffic, high home costs, and pollution.
coherence and cohesion
Use links only when they show a clear step. “Conversely” is not right here because the two sentences say nearly the same thing. Use “As a result” for a result and “For example” for an example.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point. For traffic, explain that more people and cars make roads full. For pollution, explain that more cars and factories make the air dirty.
task response
You answer both parts: why people move and what problems can happen.
task response
You give some clear city problems, such as traffic and pollution.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words, such as “First”, “Second”, “Also”, “Moreover”, and “However”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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