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Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for a country while others disagree. Do the advantages of hosting major sporting events outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's rapidly evolving world, some argue that hosting international sporting
events
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 can bring about positive consequences
such
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 as economic
growth
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,
while
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 others believe that it can lead to serious social problems.
However
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, I tend to believe that the advantages of international sporting
events
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 are more likely to outweigh the drawbacks because they can play a vital role in the development of a country by improving the tourism industry. One of the major benefits of hosting international sporting
events
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 is that they usually attract many people from all around the world who desire to watch sports in person.
This
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 can create more job opportunities and contribute significantly to local businesses because visitors spend money on restaurants, accommodations, and local products, resulting in economic
growth
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.
Moreover
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, international
events
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 provide unique opportunities for local people to deepen their understanding of various cultural backgrounds, traditions, and perspectives, improving their essential skills
such
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 as creativity, communication, and critical thinking.
For instance
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, the FIFA World Cup enables a country to gain a huge profit during the event because it hosts millions of people who desire to spend quality time in the country by participating in various outdoor activities
while
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 enjoying watching matches in person.
Hence
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,
such
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events
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 can play an indispensable role in driving economic
growth
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 and promoting cultural awareness.
Nonetheless
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, international sporting
events
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 can
also
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 have disadvantages. One of the main drawbacks of international
events
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 is that they can place additional pressure on the security system because
in
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, in
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such
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events
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, there are risks of serious offences, posing a threat to the public.
In addition
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, governments should invest more in preparing modern and adequate facilities for visitors, which can leave them with limited resources to
modernize
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modernise
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 other public services, including public transport and the healthcare system.
As a result
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, hosting
such
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events
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 can exert a burden on government budgets.
For example
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, some visitors often take part in irresponsible actions which give rise to serious social problems
such
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 as increased noise pollution and traffic congestion, particularly in city centres.
Thus
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,
such
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events
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 can generate serious challenges, which threaten public security and contribute to financial issues.
To sum up
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, from my perspective,
while
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 international sporting
events
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 can exert additional pressure on the security system and government budgets, they have a positive impact on the tourism industry, cultural awareness, and economic
growth
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.
Therefore
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, the advantages of
such
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events
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 are far more likely to outweigh the drawbacks.

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task response
Score: 7. Your answer is clear and on topic. To get a higher score, explain more directly why the good points are stronger than the bad points. For example, say that new jobs and visitor money may last after the event, but safety and traffic problems are often short term.
task response
Your World Cup example is useful, but it is too general. Add one clear fact or result. For example: visitors fill hotels, and local shops make more money during the games.
task response
The point about learning other cultures is less strong because you do not show how it helps the country. Make this link clear, or use more space for your main point about money and travel.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your order is easy to follow. Still, some long sentences have too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so that each idea is easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but do not use them only at the start of sentences. Show the link with clear ideas too. For example, after talking about new jobs, explain how these jobs help local people.
coherence and cohesion
In the last part, “some visitors often take part in irresponsible actions” is not very clear. Say what they do and why this causes traffic, noise, or safety problems.
task response
You answer the main question clearly. Your view is clear: the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
You give both sides: money and travel on one side, and safety and cost on the other.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: start, two main parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Moreover”, “Nonetheless”, “As a result”, and “Thus” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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