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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#price #petrol #traffic #pollution
Raising the fuel
price
 is thought to be the most influential solution to solve the traffic congestion issue.
This
 essay agrees that soaring the
price
 of
petrol
 will contribute to rising citizens' tendency to use public
transport
 and decreasing
air
pollution
due to
 the fewer number of personal vehicles. Rising
petrol
price
 motivates people to utilize public
transport
.
This
 is because driving personal
cars
 requires more fuel to burn;
consequently
, people might be forced to pay a considerable portion of their income, which does not seem wise to them.
Therefore
, higher
petrol
price
 automatically pushes people to prefer public
transport
 over private vehicles.
This
 is illustrated by the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 40% of employees, in 2022, in New Zealand stopped driving to work and they started using public
transport
. They believe that using public
transport
helped
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 them to save more money.
Additionally
, fewer number of
cars
, especially personal ones, lead to lesser
air
pollution
.
In other words
, if citizens do not drive their private
cars
 to get to work, fewer
cars
 will be on the streets, which can cause
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
pollution
 to
be decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
. In the Netherlands,
for example
, 60% of
white-collars
Correct your spelling
white collars
show examples
 ride a bicycle for their commutation, which has led to a remarkable decline in
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
pollution
 rate in
this
 country. In conclusion, after considering the above-mentioned points, it can be deduced that there is a direct relationship between
petrol
price
 and
air
pollution
.
In other words
, the more costly the
petrol
price
 is, the more interest in using public
transport
 will be and the less the
air
pollution
 will be.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint and effectively addresses the topic. To further enhance your task response, provide a more balanced discussion by considering potential counterarguments to your position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure all paragraphs are fully developed and maintain a logical flow, possibly by using more transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively communicate your main argument.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as statistics from New Zealand and the Netherlands, strengthens your points and makes them more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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