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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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The world has greatly changed , and that includes the education
children
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 receive. A lot of people believe that
children
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 must start learning a new
language
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 at an early
period of
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age
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time
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 .
While
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 others think that learning a new
language
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 is not that important .
This
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 essay will explore whether the advantages of
this
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 outweigh the disadvantages . Learning a foreign
language
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 at an early period of
time
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 can help
children
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 before they get
old
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older
 is one of the big challenges that parents face. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 positive point can be mentioned.
First,
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children
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 can be more intelligent and successful in their education
scale
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apply
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.
For
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example
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, when young
children
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 start knowing new vocabulary from many sources
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such
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, such
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 as school or parents can affect them to express ther feeling clearly in early age.
Second,
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A lot of
children
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 in their early years can understand what happened around them.
For instance
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, they can express ther feeling when a loud voice can be heard by crying or being shocked.
Finally
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, learning a foreign
language
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 can affect kids in a very good way ,
such
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 as increasing the
varity of number
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variety
 of words that they know, that wild help in understanding and connecting with others in perfectly way.
On the other hand
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, Ther is negative reasons that can be in
this
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 situation.
First,
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this
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 early period of
time
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 is specialised for
children
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 to feel free and just play. An
example
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 of
this
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,
instead
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 of learning new vocabulary ,
children
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 like to play and enjoy laughing with earach others.
Second,
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it’s really hard for some
children
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 to
under stand
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understand
 new
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language
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languages
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 in a state of their mother
language
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,
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.
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For
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example
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, some
languages
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 have sounds that are different and difficult to understand ,
such
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 as Chinese, Arabic and Indian.
Finally
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, learning other things is more useful than learning complicated
languages
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,
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.
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For
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example
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, development in handicrafts or new hobbies can improve
children
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 faster than learning foreign
languages
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. In conclusion, understanding new
languages
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 can affect
children
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 in a very amazing way, but at the same
time
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 can cuzed negatively.

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task response
Score: 5. Your main answer is not clear enough. The question asks if the good points are stronger than the bad points. In the first paragraph and the end, say clearly: “I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages” or the opposite.
task response
Some ideas do not fully show the value of learning a foreign language. For example, crying at a loud voice is not about language learning. Use ideas that are closer to the topic, such as better speaking, better school results, and easier travel or work later.
task response
Make each example more clear. Instead of saying children know words from many sources, explain what happens: a child who learns two languages may speak with more people and understand more books.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Some sentences are hard to follow because the ideas are not in a clear order. Give one main idea in each paragraph, then explain it, then give one short example.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer ideas in each paragraph. Your good-points paragraph has many ideas, but some are not linked well. Two strong points are better than three unclear points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they fit. For this essay, “First”, “Also”, “However”, and “As a result” can make the order more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should give your final choice, not only say there are good and bad points. For example: “In conclusion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because young children can learn sounds and words more easily.”
task response
You answer both sides of the question. You give good and bad points, and you have a conclusion.
task response
You use examples about words, school, play, and different sounds. This shows you are trying to explain your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, a paragraph for good points, a paragraph for bad points, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “Finally”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • receptive
  • proficiency
  • self-conscious
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • immersive learning
  • engaging language experiences
  • simultaneously
  • mastery
  • resources
  • trained language teachers
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