IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Promotions to a higher level should be made from within the company rather than appointing a new person from outside. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many people believe that companies should promote their existing
employees
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 to higher positions
instead
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 of hiring someone from outside. I mostly agree with
this
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 opinion because internal
employees
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 already understand the
company
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their promotion can increase motivation.
However
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, in some situations, hiring an outsider may be a better choice.
Firstly
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, promoting current
employees
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 is beneficial because they are familiar with the
company
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's culture, rules, and goals. They already know how the business works, so they need less training than a new employee.
As a result
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, they can perform their new responsibilities more effectively.
For example
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, a sales manager who has worked in the
company
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 for many years understands the customers and the team, making it easier to lead successfully.
Secondly
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, internal promotions encourage
employees
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 to work harder. When workers know they have a chance to move to a higher position, they become more motivated and loyal to the
company
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.
This
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 can improve productivity and reduce the number of
employees
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 leaving the
organization
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organisation
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.
On the other hand
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, there are cases where hiring an external candidate is necessary. A person from another
company
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 may have more experience, better leadership skills, or fresh ideas that can help solve problems.
For instance
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, if a
company
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 wants to expand into a new market, an experienced manager from another business may provide valuable knowledge that current
employees
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 do not have. In conclusion, I believe companies should generally promote
employees
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 from within because they are experienced with the organization and their promotion increases staff motivation.
Nevertheless
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, employing someone from outside is sometimes the best option when special skills or new ideas are required.

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task response
Score: 7. To reach 8, make your view even stronger from the start. Say why promoting from within should be the usual choice, then explain more fully why outside hiring is only for special cases.
task response
Add a little more detail to each main point. For example, explain how less training saves time and money, or how a clear path to promotion helps people stay in the company.
task response
Your examples are useful, but they could be more exact. Show what the sales manager does, or give one clear problem that an outside manager can solve in a new market.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. The order is good, but some links are basic. Use a few more clear links between ideas, such as “This means that”, “Because of this”, or “In this case”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence of each body part link back to the main point. This will make each part feel more complete and connected.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is clear. For a higher score, restate the main reason in a slightly fuller way, without adding a new idea.
task response
Your view is clear: you mostly agree, but you also show when a new person may be needed. You answer all parts of the question.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic. The examples of a sales manager and a new market help show your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, two points for your view, one other view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” make the flow easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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