It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?

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Whether purchasing products from online websites or big
store
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stores
show examples
rather than small
stores
Use synonyms
has become an argument because it has
dtreimental
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detrimental
effects on locals
as well as
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employers. Steps like
,
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apply
show examples
promoting small businesses and
encourging in-persong
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encouraging in-person
shopping is responsibility of every individual and authorities as well. I will elaborate
my
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on my
show examples
points in
upcoming
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the upcoming
show examples
paragraphs. First of all,
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Due
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due
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to technological advancements,
people
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who are wealthier
,
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are
show examples
getting more
interst
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interested
in shopping through online websites and only from well-known brands.
Due to
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which
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this
show examples
, employers in local ares facing significant loss and shutting down the shops permanently, making
challenging
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it challenging
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for middle-class
people
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who
could not
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cannot
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afford to buy from big superstores.
For instance
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, less
whealthy
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healthy
communities rely on these small shops
and
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, and
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if
thsese
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these
stores
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are no longer open in their villages, inconvenience is faced by locals by commuting to other cities. There are certain solutions needed to be addressed to combat
this
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problem. It is responsiblity of local individuals to promote the small businesses in their area, whether they are
whealthy
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healthy
or not.
For example
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, local
stores
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provides
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provide
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basic necessary items that
people
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can easily purchase without going
anywhere
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apply
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far, so villagers should prefer these
stores
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for buying regular items rather than ignoring them.
For example
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, basic
necessaties
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necessities
like
, snacks
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snacks, food
show examples
,
foods
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vegetables
show examples
, vegetbales or other everyday essentials are
avaible
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available
at these
stores
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and can be bought by individuals
which
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who
show examples
can cater
their
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for their
show examples
needs
while
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helping the local employers as well.
Additionally
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, banning
the
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apply
show examples
online websites can
also
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retard the trend of ordering through devices
and
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, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
possible step should be taken by
government
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the government
show examples
to encourage
people
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to buy
in-person
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in person
. To recapitulate, choosing online
stores
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and supermarkets can
vanish
Verb problem
replace
show examples
the traditional way of buying
but
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, but
show examples
support from locals and government can maintain the existence of these
convinient
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convenient
shops in the area.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are on topic, but they need more full explanation. Explain more clearly how a shop closing can affect jobs, town life, and older or poor people.
task response
Your example about people needing to go to other cities is useful. Make it more clear and give one real situation, such as an older person who cannot travel far for food or medicine.
task response
The idea of banning online shops is too strong and not very realistic. A better idea is for the government to give small shops lower tax, help them sell online, or hold local market days.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The main order is clear, but some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or not complete. Use shorter sentences with one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “For example” two times in the same part. Give one example, then explain why it matters.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part start with one clear main sentence. Then add an explanation and one example. This will make your writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
The first line says “online websites or big store”. Say “online shops and large supermarkets” so the words match the question and the rest of your essay.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: effects on local people and ways to help small shops.
task response
You give clear main ideas, such as loss of local shops, hard travel for people, and support from local people and the government.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “First of all”, “For instance”, “Additionally”, and “To recapitulate”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • local employment opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • community engagement
  • property prices
  • homogenization of the retail environment
  • social gathering points
  • unique and specialized products
  • local heritage preservation
  • online retailers
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