IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other part of lives, Unfortunately, not many achive this balance. What are the problems of this? Suggest some solutions to solve the problems?

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In recent years , it has been difficult to keep
work
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 and life balanced
due to
Linking Words
 some reasons .
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain why
this
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 is happening and give solutions to mitigate
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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. One of the common problems of the imbalance is that the majority of people have to
work
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 long
hours
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is above the average .
For example
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 , restaurant workers have to be occupied with their responsibilities from morning to evening
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 does not leave any
time
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 to entertain .
As a result
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 , it has been obvious that they can not keep the
balance
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 between
work
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 and other parts of their lives . To reduce
this
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 issue government should put permanent working
hours
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 that might provide a pragmatic solution for those who
are faced
Verb problem
face
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 difficulties
to keep
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in keeping
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 the
balance
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.
Consequently
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 , they have a chance to spend their valuable
time
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 with their family and the activities which they are interested
.
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in.
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 A more severe problem is the ambition of being rich and able to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 whatever they want .
This
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 requires
significant
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a significant
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 amount of hard
work
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 and patience
Punctuation problem
,
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that lead to the situation that there is no
time
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to
Change preposition
for
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 other parts of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 lives , like
Verb problem
being
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occupied with their favourite hobbies . In the high-tech era , with the help of social media , people have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 consistent
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of wishes which can not be achieved by
low
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a low
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 salary , given by short working
hours
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 . To diminish
this
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 issue , people should be productive at
work
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 and try to finish their projects before the
headline
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deadline
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.
Due to
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this
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, they can support their
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work life
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work-life
balance
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 by
fullfilling
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fulfilling
 their tasks
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can increase the
hours
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 of doing their activities . In conclusion , long working
hours
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 and the desire
of being
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to be
show examples
 rich can affect the quality
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time
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apply
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of their lives.
By reducing
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Reducing
show examples
 their working
hours
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 and being productive at
work
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 could help them to keep the
balance
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 .

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task response
Score: 6. Your ideas fit the question, but explain the bad results of poor work-life balance more clearly. For example, say that people may feel tired, have less time for family, or have poor health.
task response
Give one more clear example for each main point. The restaurant worker example is useful, but the second point needs a real example of how the wish for more money affects daily life.
task response
Make each solution match the problem. For long hours, the government and work places can set fair work hours. For the wish to be rich, people can set limits and plan their time.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Keep one clear idea in each paragraph. In body paragraph 1, first state the problem, then its bad result, then the solution.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not natural. Instead of “Due to this”, write “As a result”. Instead of “which is above the average”, write “which are too long”.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending should say the two problems and the two solutions in a clear, short way. Do not add new ideas there.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: you show problems and give ways to help.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: long work hours and the wish to earn more money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • chronic stress
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • efficiency
  • strained relationships
  • quality time
  • job satisfaction
  • employee turnover
  • flexible working conditions
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