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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the percentage of female students in four different courses at one university from 1970 to 2015.

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The line graph delineates the proportion of female
students
Use synonyms
 in various courses at one university between 1970 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is crystal clear that Low was the most chosen one by female
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
computer
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
 was
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 preferred over the
period
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Physics and Medicine had a considerable increase in a given time
period
Use synonyms
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 all of the courses witnessed a significant
rose
Replace the word
rise
, the rate of
computer
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
 remained more or less the same. On one hand, at the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
, in
1970
Punctuation problem
1970,
show examples
 Low
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the lowest popularity among the female
students
Use synonyms
, which was nearly accounted for 0%,
then
Linking Words
 experienced a drastic rise
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 with
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
 in 2010.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Medicine and Physics
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stood at near to 25 % at the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
 and after the years underwent a substantial
skyrocket
Check wording
increase
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Initially
Linking Words
Computer
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
science
Capitalize the proper name
Science
show examples
 was the most widespread course
through the
Change preposition
among
show examples
 female
students
Use synonyms
, which approximately stood at 30%.
However
Linking Words
, despite the
grow up
Replace the word
growth
, which continued
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the middle of the given
period
Use synonyms
,
Computer
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
 witnessed a dramatic decline
up to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
 and remained relatively stable.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, computer, science, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • male-dominated
  • steady
  • fluctuating
  • popularity
  • influence
  • societal changes
  • advocacy
  • gender equality
  • enrollment
  • academic disciplines
  • declines
  • plateau phases
  • gender diversity
  • inclusion
  • educational sector
  • workforce
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