IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In many countries in the world people buy clothes and choose hair styles according to latest fashion. Why is this happening ? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 people start to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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 their clothes and
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 their styles
according to
Linking Words
 lastest fashion
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
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become
Verb problem
has become
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controversial
Correct article usage
a controversial
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issue
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
discusess if moving with trends
Correct word order
discuss whether moving with trends is
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 going to be
Use synonyms
issue
Correct article usage
an issue
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 for society or address the problems
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I strongly believe that the
lastest
Correct your spelling
latest
 fashion has a positive impact on the
word
Use the right word
world
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. A major factor contributing to
this
Linking Words
issue
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct word choice
that
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 people can discover themselves and
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
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 what
can fit on
Verb problem
suits
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 them very well, and one of the key
advantges
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advantages
 of
this
Linking Words
 development is that after knowing what they like most, they should avoid buying new stuff
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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, you should have balance too, and don't forget your real personality. Despite these benefits,
this
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issue
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also
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 has several drawbacks.
That is
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you
Punctuation problem
, you
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 should spend a lot of money to know yourself better, and
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 you like most.
This
Linking Words
 would be a waste of money, and you would end up with a lot of unused
itmes
Correct your spelling
items
. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some
disadvantgaes
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disadvantages
, I believe that the positive
ouweigh
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outweigh
 the negative
,
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;
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moreover
Linking Words
, from my perspective
moving
Punctuation problem
, moving
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 with trends
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to self-discovery.

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Task response
Answer both questions more fully. Say why people follow fashion, for example to feel good, fit in, or see new ideas online. Then say clearly why you think it is good or bad.
Task response
Your main idea is self discovery, but it is not well explained. Show how new clothes or hair can help a person know what they like. Add one clear example.
Task response
Keep your view the same. You say fashion is positive, but you also say people should avoid buying new things. Explain that people can follow fashion in a careful way.
Coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. Paragraph 2 can be about the good side. Paragraph 3 can be about the bad side.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas clearer. Use simple links such as 'First', 'For example', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not change from 'people' to 'you' in the same idea. Use 'people' all the way through for a more clear and formal essay.
Coherence and cohesion
Support each point before moving on. For example, after saying fashion costs money, explain that people may buy clothes only once and then not use them.
Task response
You give a clear view: you think following the latest fashion is mostly positive.
Task response
You include both a good side and a bad side, so the essay tries to answer the full question.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Despite these benefits' and 'In conclusion' help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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