IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

‏Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Nowadays, an increasing trend is seen in young
students
Use synonyms
 taking a
year
Check wording
year's
show examples
gap
Use synonyms
 before starting university.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend may cause some drawbacks.But ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe it has more advantages, like maturity and being able to choose universities wisely.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides. On the one hand, taking a trip and working small jobs has numerous benefits for
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 may already be stressed from school exams;
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 may cause difficulties in choosing a proper course. So , travel helps them heal faster, and they can learn about the importance of life.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , many youngsters are
difficultly
Replace the word
having difficulty
 in
doing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
college
due to
Linking Words
 financial stress.For that,small work helps them save money for future studies.
In addition
Linking Words
, during
this
Linking Words
 period, they may have a chance to know about career goals properly.
For instance
Linking Words
,in many Western countries, most
of the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 take a
gap
Use synonyms
 year.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,it has more advantages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taking a
gap
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has some disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
due to
Linking Words
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
gap
Use synonyms
 ,they may be less interest to study.
As a result
Linking Words
 , they may score lower
scores
Check wording
apply
show examples
at university.
Secondly
Linking Words
,all other fellow
students
Use synonyms
 already
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
apply
show examples
continued studies without
Use synonyms
gap
Correct article usage
a gap
show examples
.So
this
Linking Words
 may cause emotional instability.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,it
also
Linking Words
 delays future goals . Because the job market
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 quite competitive in recent days.
Although
Linking Words
 it has some cons,
but i
Correct word choice
I
show examples
 believe it has more benefits than demerits. In conclusion,even though its reduce intersets in studies and causes emotional instability.
However
Linking Words
 ,the merits outweigh
this
Linking Words
,
like it can give
Correct word choice
such as giving
show examples
 more
independence financially
Correct word order
financial independence
show examples
 and
can create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 better career opportunities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Score: 5. Your view is clear, but some ideas need more help and clearer examples. For example, explain how travel can help a student choose a course. Give one real or clear made-up case.
task response
Do not say that “most” students in Western countries take a gap year unless you can show this is true. This point is too broad. Use a smaller example instead.
task response
Your final view should be stronger. Say why the good points are more important than the bad points. For example, money and a clear work goal can help a student for many years, while the wish to study can come back with a good plan.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Some sentences do not link well. For example, “Although this trend may cause some drawbacks.But” has two link words that do the same job. Use only one: “Although this trend has some drawbacks, I believe...”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. In the first body part, first talk about rest and life learning, then talk about money and work goals. Add a short last sentence to show how these ideas support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Do not start too many sentences with “Firstly” and “Secondly”. You can also use “Also”, “Because of this”, “As a result”, and “In contrast”.
coherence and cohesion
Some points are not fully explained. For example, say why being behind friends may cause worry, and how that worry may affect study or future plans.
task response
You answer the question clearly: you think the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
You give main ideas on both sides, such as money, work goals, less wish to study, and late future plans.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For instance”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: