IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasis that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays,
companies
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 are running advertising
campaign
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campaigns
show examples
 to showcase their goods
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such
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so
show examples
 that it looks different from other
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companies
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companies'
show examples
 advertisements.
Overall
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 i believe
this
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 is a positive development because
i
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 offers more
benefis
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benefits
 than drawbacks.
Oraganizations
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Organisations
 advertise
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
product
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 that makes them
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
 in
new
Correct article usage
a new
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way
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 because different
style
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styles
show examples
 of advertisment makes their
product
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 unique from other
companies
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product
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 because of
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this
Punctuation problem
this,
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 it grabs more
attention
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form
Use the right word
from
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 people
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 helps
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companies
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the company's
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 growth.
there
Capitalize the word
There
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 are many
benfits
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benefits
 of advertising their goods in
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 new
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way
Punctuation problem
way,
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 as it helps
companies
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 to boost their sales.
In other words
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, using different
style
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styles
show examples
 of advertisement helps them to showcase their
product
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 to grab
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attention
Correct article usage
the attention
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 of their prior consumer.
For Example
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, a solar
companie
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company
 named goldi solar who has
very
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a very
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differnent advertisiment
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different advertisement
 in which they
had
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apply
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built a banner with solar
that
Punctuation problem
. This
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 banner
locked
Verb problem
is
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 very beautiful
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 marketing technique
this
Linking Words
 gives more
attention
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 from
customer
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 which helps increase
their
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the company's
show examples
companies
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 sales and
also
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helps
Wrong verb form
helping
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 in
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of
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companies
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the company
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.
Moreover
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, marketing
about
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apply
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the
product
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 in
new
Correct article usage
a new
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way
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 will
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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 to lower their
competitons
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competition
 from other
companies
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. Which means that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 showcasing their
product
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 will help their
customer
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 to grab more information from the
product
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will
Correct pronoun usage
, which will
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more
Verb problem
provide more
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about
Check wording
information about
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 that
business
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Punctuation problem
, which
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which
Wrong verb form
resulting
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overall
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 results in lower
competitons
Correct your spelling
competition
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
business
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 will
more work
Correct word order
work more
show examples
 on
inovitation
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innovating
 their
product
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 to lower
thier comptition
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their competition
 from other
companies
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 in order to get their
business
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on
Change preposition
to
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 the top
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
Linking Words
 will help the
customer
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 to get more choice form the
companies
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. In conclusion, from my perspective i would think that advertising used by the
business
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 to
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
their
product
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 is a positive development because advertising in some new
way
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 will grab
customer
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attention
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will boost their sales and
also
Linking Words
 help them to
inovate
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innovate
 new
Use synonyms
product
Check wording
products
show examples
 by
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
 for their growth.

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task response
Overall score: 5. Your answer is on the topic, but the first body part does not clearly explain why businesses say their products are new. Say that they want to get more buyers, stand out from other firms, and make people think the product is better.
task response
Give a more balanced view. You say it is positive, but you do not say what the possible bad side is. Add one short point: some ads may make old products look new, so people may buy things they do not need.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For each point, use: main idea, why it happens, and a simple example. Do not repeat the same idea about getting attention and more sales.
task response
Your solar company example is useful, but make the link clearer. Explain how the ad showed that the product was new, not only that the banner looked beautiful.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body part. Body 1 can explain why firms stress that goods are new. Body 2 can explain why you think this is positive, with one bad point and your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and unclear. Use shorter sentences. For example: “This kind of ad gets people’s attention. As a result, the firm may sell more products.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they show a clear link. For example, use “First” for the first reason, “Also” for another reason, and “However” for a bad side. Avoid using “Which means that” to start a new sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as “companies”, “product”, “attention”, and “growth” many times. Use simple other words such as “firms”, “goods”, “buyers”, and “sales”.
task response
You answer both parts: why businesses do this, and whether it is good or bad.
task response
Your main view is clear: you think this is a positive change.
task response
You give an example about a solar company. This makes your idea more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Overall”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty
  • innovation
  • trend-setting
  • competitive market landscape
  • crowded markets
  • differentiating
  • psychological trigger
  • technological advancement
  • consumerism
  • short-lived
  • environmental harm
  • ethical standards
  • quality products
  • efficient solutions
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