IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasis that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays,
companies
Use synonyms
 are running advertising
campaign
Check wording
campaigns
show examples
 to showcase their goods
Linking Words
such
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 that it looks different from other
Use synonyms
companies
Check wording
companies'
show examples
 advertisements.
Overall
Linking Words
 i believe
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development because
i
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 offers more
benefis
Correct your spelling
benefits
 than drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
Oraganizations
Correct your spelling
Organisations
 advertise
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
product
Use synonyms
 that makes them
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
 in
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
way
Use synonyms
 because different
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 of advertisment makes their
product
Use synonyms
 unique from other
companies
Use synonyms
product
Use synonyms
 because of
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
show examples
 it grabs more
attention
Use synonyms
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 people
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 helps
Use synonyms
companies
Check wording
the company's
show examples
 growth.
Body paragraph 2
there
Capitalize the word
There
show examples
 are many
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of advertising their goods in
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 new
Use synonyms
way
Punctuation problem
way,
show examples
 as it helps
companies
Use synonyms
 to boost their sales.
In other words
Linking Words
, using different
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 of advertisement helps them to showcase their
product
Use synonyms
 to grab
Use synonyms
attention
Correct article usage
the attention
show examples
 of their prior consumer.
For Example
Linking Words
, a solar
companie
Correct your spelling
company
 named goldi solar who has
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
differnent advertisiment
Correct your spelling
different advertisement
 in which they
had
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
built a banner with solar
that
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
 banner
locked
Verb problem
is
show examples
 very beautiful
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 marketing technique
this
Linking Words
 gives more
attention
Use synonyms
 from
customer
Use synonyms
 which helps increase
their
Check wording
the company's
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
 sales and
also
Linking Words
helps
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 in
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
companies
Check wording
the company
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
Linking Words
, marketing
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
product
Use synonyms
 in
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
way
Use synonyms
 will
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 to lower their
competitons
Correct your spelling
competition
 from other
companies
Use synonyms
. Which means that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 showcasing their
product
Use synonyms
 will help their
customer
Use synonyms
 to grab more information from the
product
Use synonyms
will
Correct pronoun usage
, which will
show examples
more
Verb problem
provide more
show examples
about
Check wording
information about
show examples
 that
business
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 results in lower
competitons
Correct your spelling
competition
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
business
Use synonyms
 will
more work
Correct word order
work more
show examples
 on
inovitation
Replace the word
innovating
 their
product
Use synonyms
 to lower
thier comptition
Correct your spelling
their competition
 from other
companies
Use synonyms
 in order to get their
business
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the top
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will help the
customer
Use synonyms
 to get more choice form the
companies
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, from my perspective i would think that advertising used by the
business
Use synonyms
 to
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
their
product
Use synonyms
 is a positive development because advertising in some new
way
Use synonyms
 will grab
customer
Use synonyms
attention
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will boost their sales and
also
Linking Words
 help them to
inovate
Correct your spelling
innovate
 new
Use synonyms
product
Check wording
products
show examples
 by
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
 for their growth.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Overall score: 5. Your answer is on the topic, but the first body part does not clearly explain why businesses say their products are new. Say that they want to get more buyers, stand out from other firms, and make people think the product is better.
task response
Give a more balanced view. You say it is positive, but you do not say what the possible bad side is. Add one short point: some ads may make old products look new, so people may buy things they do not need.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For each point, use: main idea, why it happens, and a simple example. Do not repeat the same idea about getting attention and more sales.
task response
Your solar company example is useful, but make the link clearer. Explain how the ad showed that the product was new, not only that the banner looked beautiful.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body part. Body 1 can explain why firms stress that goods are new. Body 2 can explain why you think this is positive, with one bad point and your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and unclear. Use shorter sentences. For example: “This kind of ad gets people’s attention. As a result, the firm may sell more products.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they show a clear link. For example, use “First” for the first reason, “Also” for another reason, and “However” for a bad side. Avoid using “Which means that” to start a new sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as “companies”, “product”, “attention”, and “growth” many times. Use simple other words such as “firms”, “goods”, “buyers”, and “sales”.
task response
You answer both parts: why businesses do this, and whether it is good or bad.
task response
Your main view is clear: you think this is a positive change.
task response
You give an example about a solar company. This makes your idea more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Overall”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty
  • innovation
  • trend-setting
  • competitive market landscape
  • crowded markets
  • differentiating
  • psychological trigger
  • technological advancement
  • consumerism
  • short-lived
  • environmental harm
  • ethical standards
  • quality products
  • efficient solutions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: