IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Aswell
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As well
 as many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work
on
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in
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 the cities, I did it too.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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 there is the same amount of positive and negative effects.
Furthermore
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, the
weightning
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weighting
 of those criterias persued the final result. Starting with the advantages
about
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of
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 staying in your commen surrounding. If y
Comming
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Coming
 to the disadvantages
for
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of
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 staying
at
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in
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 your
neighburhood
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neighbourhood
. On the one hand, long travels from country side to cities, those trips consume much time.
For example
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, if you need to attend an exam, they
are for sure
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will be
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 in town.
Therefore
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, living apart means
traveling
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travelling
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.
Meanwhile
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Meanwhile,
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 in the city
could
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, this time could be
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this
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 time spent much more
usefull
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usefully
.
Also
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beeing
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being
 away from friends and family is an
arguement
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argument
.
In addition
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, regarding the workers, the variation of job
offer
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offers
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 is much more attractive than in quiet parts.
To conclude
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the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 disadvantages
outhweight
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outweigh
 the advantages for
stayin
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staying
 in rural areas.

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task response
Score: 4. The essay does not fully answer both questions. You need to explain why young people leave rural areas, then say if the good points are more than the bad points.
task response
Add more clear ideas. For study, young people may move because cities have more schools, courses, and exams. For work, cities may have more jobs, better pay, and more chances to grow.
task response
Your first body part stops after “If y”, so an important part is missing. Write two full body parts with clear examples.
task response
Discuss bad points of moving to cities too, for example high rent, busy life, and being far from family. Then compare these with the good points before your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 4. The order of ideas is not clear. You first say you will talk about city life, but then you write about staying in rural areas. Keep one clear plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic lines: “One reason young people move is study.” “Another reason is work.” “However, city life also has some bad points.”
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words do not fit the idea. For example, “Meanwhile” is not clear in its place. Use simple links: First, Also, However, For example, As a result, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea. Start with the main point, explain it, and give one example. This will make your writing easier to read.
task response
You give a clear final view: city life has more good points than staying in rural areas.
task response
You give some good reasons, such as less travel time and more job choices in cities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body parts, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example”, “Therefore”, and “In addition”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-urban migration
  • quest
  • higher education institutions
  • job markets
  • allure
  • healthcare
  • technological and infrastructural advancements
  • personal and professional growth
  • brain drain
  • cultural shift
  • traditional values
  • dilution of cultural identity
  • overcrowding
  • pollution
  • high cost of living
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