IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that professional such as doctors and engineers should work in the country where they did their training. Other believe that they should be free to work in another country they wish. Discuss both thses views and give your own opinion.

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There is a huge gap between countries in terms of financial compensation across various professions and sectors.
While
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 a proportion of individuals argue that experts in fields like medicine and construction must be working in the place they were trained
Change preposition
apply
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
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.
Punctuation problem
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 others believe that they should be given full freedom to pursue the professional path in any job market they want.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints and present my personal point of view. On one hand, doing an internship in a particular country means that equipment, support, and room for productivity
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 provided to the learner. Which effectively means the student should be loyal and benefit that nation with
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 abilities and experience.
In addition
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, it will optimise the practical-education reputation of the nation that
teached
Wrong verb form
taught
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 him the application of his major in the occupation market.
For instance
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, India's reputation in the financial sector enhanced drastically after government intervention in persuading talented investment bankers and equity researchers to work in Delhi's corporate district.
On the other hand
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, it is impossible for any economy to be developed and dynamic in all fields.
In other words
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, professionals will inevitably look for an economy that helps them to succeed, whether it is in the same country he was trained
in
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or not.
Furthermore
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, some governments impose high income taxes on employees despite the benefit given by them. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in the United Kingdom, where thousands of creative employees moved to cities
such
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 as Dubai and Riyadh
due to
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 exaggerated taxes. In conclusion, despite both sides holding diverse opinions.
However
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, from my perspective, I firmly hold the view that professionals like doctors and project managers should be allowed to work in any country.

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Overall score
Estimated score: 6. Your answer is clear and has both views, but some ideas need more full support and a few links between sentences are not natural.
Task response
Explain the first view more fully. The point is not only loyalty. A country may need doctors and engineers because it paid for their training and has too few skilled workers.
Task response
Make your own view clear in the introduction as well as the conclusion. For example: “I believe they should be free to move, but countries should try to keep them with fair pay and good work conditions.”
Task response
Use examples that fit the question more closely. Your India example is about bankers, not doctors or engineers. This makes the example less strong.
Task response
Be careful with big claims, such as “thousands” of people moving because of tax. Give a simple, believable example, or explain the result without a number.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the same subject in each sentence. You move from doctors and engineers to medicine, construction, bankers, researchers, and creative workers. This makes the main line less clear.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not start a new sentence with “Which” after a full stop. Join it to the sentence before it: “..., which means that the student may feel a duty to help that country.”
Coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, do not use both “despite” and “However” in the same idea. Write: “In conclusion, both views have good points. However, I believe ...”
Coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple order: main idea, reason, result, example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
Task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view of your own at the end.
Task response
Your main ideas are on topic: support from the training country, better work chances abroad, and tax.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear links such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “In addition”, and “For instance”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional worker
  • public training
  • skilled worker
  • serve the country
  • lack of doctors
  • health care system
  • public service
  • rural area
  • move abroad
  • better pay
  • work conditions
  • career growth
  • personal freedom
  • choose their future
  • send money home
  • gain experience
  • return home
  • balanced view
  • repay the cost
  • help both sides
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