Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch entertainment online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In today's world,
people
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have changed their point of view. Some
people
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say that in the digital age,
theatres
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and
cinemas
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are no longer important. The claim is that
people
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can watch entertainment online. Others maintain that these are still important for many reasons.
This
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essay will examine both these views , and I will give my own opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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think that
theatres
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and
cinemas
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are no longer needed today.
First,
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people
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enjoy watching movies online.
For
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example
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,
instead
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of going to the cinema and wasting their time, they can easily watch the show in their living room.
In addition
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to that, they can pick any time to view what they want.
Second,
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some
people
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want to be in control of their environment.
For instance
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,
people
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who have sensitive hearing can control the volume.
Furthermore
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, some individuals need to skip some uncomfortable parts of the movie.
Finally
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, folks who think it is a huge waste of money and space.
For
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example
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, it is better to use the massive building for a training centre or a daycare for children.
On the other hand
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, citizens who insist on keeping them have many reasons
,
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.
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First,
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attending the show is a positive experience.
For
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example
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, the live shows and the adrenaline rush are different from the feelings when watching it at home.
Also
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, the interaction with the crowd is wonderful.
Second,
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the
theatres
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and
cinemas
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offer multiple opportunities.
For
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example
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, Theaters create many jobs. That affects the economy by increasing
the
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apply
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incomes.
Finally
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, it has a profound impact on the culture of society.
Therefore
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, the citizens emprises feeling and thoughts through the
theatres
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.
Also
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, it keeps
people
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more connected. In conclusion, it is clear to see both these views, as they provide different experiences.
However
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, my opinion on
this
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matter is that
theatres
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and
cinemas
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are wonderful. I believe they provide jobs and social interaction.

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task response
Overall score: 6. Your answer is relevant and covers the whole task. To reach 7, explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how online services save travel time and ticket money, and how cinemas bring money to local shops as well as create jobs.
task response
Make your opinion stronger in the introduction and conclusion. You say cinemas and theatres are “wonderful”, but state clearly that they are still important, even though online viewing is useful.
task response
Some examples are a little weak or unclear. The idea that a cinema building should become a day care or training place does not show why cinemas are not important. Use a closer example, such as families choosing online films because tickets and food cost too much.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In paragraph 2, you move from ease, to sound control, to skipping parts, to building space. Split these into two clear ideas, or remove one.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words carefully. “Finally, folks who think...” is not a full sentence. Write: “Finally, some people think that cinemas waste money and space.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the end of each paragraph sum up its point. For example: “For these reasons, online entertainment is more convenient for many people.” This will make the flow clearer.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view in the end.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: online viewing is easy and cheap, while cinemas and theatres give jobs and shared experiences.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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