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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the increasing use of technology in education is having a negative impact on students' learning abilities. Others argue that technology is a valuable tool that enhances learning. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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While
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 it is argued by some people that students’ learning abilities are negatively affected by using modern technology in education, others believe that it can be highly beneficial for the learning process.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument and explain why I support the second view. There are several reasons why some individuals think that
this
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 issue has negative impacts. One of the main reasons is that children put less effort into thinking about complex problems.
This
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 means that
instead
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 of challenging themselves, they easily use modern devices to clarify the problems, which can have a negative impact on their problem-solving skills in the long term. Another important point is that
this
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 matter can reduce the ability of imagination.
This
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 is often caused by availibility of applications that provide the details of possible consequences related to a specific problem.
For example
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, a person who must make a decision about an issue based on the possible future effects can use an application to create all the possible consequences without thinking about them.
On the other hand
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, others believe that
this
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 approach is significantly beneficial for the learning process. One major reason for
this
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 is that it can make it easier for children to understand complicated problems with visual explanations, which can positively affect the quality of learning.
In addition
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, learning at the individual’s pace is another important factor. If
this
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 view is accepted, it is likely to lead to higher levels of productivity and mental well-being.
For instance
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, with the help of modern devices, a student can watch an educational video more than ten times to completely understand a difficult topic. In conclusion, both sides of the argument have valid reasons.
However
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, I believe that the second approach is more convincing
due to
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 factors
such
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 as the availability of visual explanations and flexible learning pace.

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task response
Score: 7. To reach 8, make each main idea more fully clear. For example, say why an app may stop a child from using imagination, and show a real school task where this may happen.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but the first one is not very real or easy to see. Use a simple example, such as a student using an answer app for maths before trying the question alone.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but add one short line that shows why the good side is stronger than the bad side. For example: “When teachers guide its use, technology helps more than it harms.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your order is good. To reach 8, make the link between each point and the next point smoother. Do not use the same long pattern again and again, such as “One major reason” and “Another important point”.
coherence and cohesion
Some words are too unclear. “This issue”, “this matter”, and “this approach” can make the reader stop and ask what you mean. Say “technology in class” or “using apps” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need a clearer link. In the good side, explain how watching a video again can lead to better learning, not only that a student can watch it ten times.
task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. Your view is clear in the first and last parts.
task response
Your main ideas are on the topic: less thinking, less imagination, visual help, and learning at one’s own speed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: start, first view, second view, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On the other hand”, “In addition”, and “For instance” help the reader follow your ideas.
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