In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In recent years, the trend of people travelling by Cross-border air transit has inclined rapidly.
This
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is
due to
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rising of immigrants moving to different countries, and
expense
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the expense
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of travelling through airways has been significantly reduced as compared to the past. It is beneficial for the public, as everyone gets a chance to
travel
Use synonyms
abroad.
To begin
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with, individuals are migrating across the world at an alarming rate with the help of
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
intercontinental flights.
This
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is because many are preferring
this
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option for their
further
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education or professional purposes. It is an essential part of their lives, as they have to focus on
achieveing
Correct your spelling
achieving
their goals or
to look
Wrong verb form
looking
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for better career opportunities abroad. To exemplify, a recent survey depicts that, in
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last
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the last
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5
years
Punctuation problem
years,
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the ratio of international travellers by global transit has
been
Wrong verb form
apply
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increased to 45%.
Furthermore
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, another main reason
of
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for the
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inclination in global aviation is affordable fares for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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passenger flights.
This
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is because of the growing
rivarly
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rivalry
between plenty of organizations, which are commencing their business in airways
industries
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industry
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.
Moreover
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,
due to
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this
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concern, airline companies provide hefty discounts to individuals during a certain period of time to increase their sales and popularity.
As a result
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, it becomes advantageous for the community around the world.
For instance
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, people now have various options to choose
, they
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from, they
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can choose
according to
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their preferences based of cheaper price or faster
travel
Use synonyms
by filtering. In conclusion, the ratio of international
travel
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is booming across the globe,
due to
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plenty
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the fact that plenty
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of immigrants are choosing to migrate overseas,
as well as
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due to
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heavy competition
in-between
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between
firms, fares are much
affordable
Rephrase
more affordable
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as
Correct word choice
apply
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compared to past years. In my view,
this
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should continue in favour to general public for their merits as global
travel
Use synonyms
in
Verb problem
is
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essential.

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Overall score
Score: 5. Your ideas are on the right track, but some points need more clear support. There are also many word and sentence errors, which sometimes make the meaning hard to follow.
Task response
Explain more clearly why each reason causes more air travel. For example, say that students and workers need fast travel to reach a new country, and cheap flights let more families, tourists, and workers fly.
Task response
Your view is only partly developed. You say air travel is good, but give one or two full reasons. For example, it helps people see family, study, work, and visit new places. You could also note one bad side, such as air pollution, then explain why the good sides are still greater.
Task response
Do not use a survey unless you can explain it well. The “45%” fact is not clear: 45% of what? A simple real example would be better, such as low-cost airlines making it possible for students to visit home.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. Body 1 should be only about moving abroad for study and work. Body 2 should be only about lower flight prices. Then add a clear example for each idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Some linking words do not fit the meaning. For example, “due to this concern” is unclear. Use simple links: “Because of this”, “For this reason”, or “As a result”.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence stronger and clearer. Instead of “global travel in essential”, write: “In my view, this is a good change because it gives more people chances to work, study, and see family in other countries.”
Language that affects clarity
Use simpler and more natural words. For example: “Cross-border air transit” → “international air travel”; “inclined rapidly” → “increased rapidly”; “global aviation” → “air travel”; “in favour to general public” → “good for the public”.
Task response
You answer both parts: you give reasons for more air travel and say it is a good thing.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear: more people move for study or work, and lower prices make flights easier to buy.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
Coherence and cohesion
You use links such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, “Moreover”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Disposable income
  • Aviation technology
  • Efficient
  • Proliferation
  • Budget airlines
  • Globalization
  • Tourism
  • Social media
  • Promotional activities
  • Economic development
  • Cultural exchange
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Climate change
  • Over-tourism
  • Local resources
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