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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

THE CHART BELOW SHOWS THE EXPENDITURE OF TWO CPOUNTRIES ON CONSUMER GOODS IN 2010.

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The chart illustrates how much
money
Use synonyms
spent
Verb problem
was spent
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 on consumer items for two countries in one year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
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 fluctuated throughout the period. The
UK
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 experienced the highest
number of
Check wording
apply
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expenditure for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most categories
except
Punctuation problem
, except
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 for the perfume
stream
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 had a slight decline.
However
Linking Words
,
France preferable
Replace the word
France's preferred
stream
Use synonyms
 was the
cars
Use synonyms
 , which they
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 a vast
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
money
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
stream
Use synonyms
. The figures for
cars
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 in both countries are approximately the same ( 400,000 and 450,000) respectively.
However
Linking Words
 , in the computer
stream
Use synonyms
, The
Uk
Use synonyms
 expend it is most
money
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cars
Use synonyms
 , which means that it is the highest at 450,000 ,
while
Linking Words
 France spend it is
money
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cars
Use synonyms
 and computers at around 400,000 pounds and roughly 350,000 pounds.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the
Use synonyms
Uk
Capitalize the proper name
UK
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 peaked at around 450,000. For both countries,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 number of
expanditure
Correct your spelling
expenditure
 for perfume was the lowest . The
UK
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spend higher
Correct word order
spends more money on books
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money
Use synonyms
 on books more than France.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, uk, stream, cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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