IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, adults are living with their parents after graduating or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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In many countries today, a growing number of young adults choose to live with their
parents
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 after finishing university or starting a career.
Although
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this
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 choice has a few drawbacks regarding personal freedom, I believe that the financial and emotional benefits clearly outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, there are some disadvantages to living with
parents
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 as an adult. The main problem is the lack of independence. When young people stay at home, they usually have to follow their
parents
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' rules and may have less privacy.
Additionally
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, relying on family for daily chores like cooking and washing can delay learning important life skills.
As a result
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, some adults might find it difficult to become fully independent compared to those who live on their own.
On the other hand
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, the advantages of
this
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 arrangement are very important.
Firstly
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, living at home helps young adults save a lot of money. Rent and living costs are usually very expensive for new workers, so staying with family allows them to keep more of their income for future goals.
Secondly
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, it offers great emotional support. Being able to talk to family members every day helps reduce stress and prevents loneliness, which is a common problem for young people living alone. In conclusion,
although
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 living with
parents
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 can limit personal freedom and delay independence, the financial savings and mental support it provides make it a better option.
Therefore
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, I agree that the advantages of
this
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 situation outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Score: 7. Your ideas are clear and on topic, but they need more detail. Add one real or clear example for each main point. For example, say how saved rent can help a young worker pay for a home, study, or future family.
task response
Explain why the good points are more important than the bad points. You say they are stronger, but you can make this link more direct: freedom can grow over time, while money stress can cause bigger problems now.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. The order is clear, but each body part could go deeper. After each main idea, add a short reason and an example. This will make your points feel more full.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use too many set link words only. You can also link ideas with simple words like “because”, “so”, “for example”, and “this means”.
task response
You answer the question clearly. Your view is clear: the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
You cover both sides: less freedom and less chance to learn life skills, then money saving and family support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion” make the flow easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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