IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of items sold by two different shops in July.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The bar chart compares the number of
units
Use synonyms
 sold in
shop
Use synonyms
 A and
shop
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in July.
Overall
Linking Words
, mobile devices accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 bestselling item in
shop
Use synonyms
 A and the most sold
decive
Correct your spelling
device
 among the other items.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
shop
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
B,
show examples
B
Use synonyms
 the sales of all
units
Use synonyms
 were
relativaly
Correct your spelling
relatively
 equal with a narrow margin.
Initially
Linking Words
, mobile phones were sold at
approximetaly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 100
units
Use synonyms
 in
shop
Use synonyms
 A, which is roughly more than twice the phones sold in
shop
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
shop
Use synonyms
 A was marginally more successful in selling tablets than
shop
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, with around just over 50
units
Use synonyms
 and just under 50
units
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. to continue with,
although
Linking Words
shop
Use synonyms
 A recorded the better figures in selling Mobiles and
Tablests
Correct your spelling
Tablets
, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that
shop
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 surpassed its competitor in selling Laptops and PCs.
Accordingly
Linking Words
 , PCs and Laptops were sold almost 50
units
Use synonyms
 in
shop
Use synonyms
 A.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the figure recorded for PCs in
shop
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 was just over 20
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that of Laptops
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 was just under 20, making it the lowest number of
units
Use synonyms
 sold in the given graph.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words units, shop, b with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: