IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, young people are moving from rural areas to cities to work or study. Why is this happening? What are advantages or disadvantages of this trend?

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Nowadays, youngsters are migrating from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to well-developed
cities
Use synonyms
 or countries for better education and work. The most prominent reason for
this
Linking Words
 shift is the better opportunities and growth in their careers,
as well as
Linking Words
 the high pay rate. The advantages
overweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages. I will be discussing
in
Correct pronoun usage
this in
show examples
 the forthcoming paragraphs. Commencing with, the most salient reason why the youth is moving from the backward
areas
Use synonyms
 to the urban
areas
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. First and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foremost, the availability of
well-reputated
Correct word choice
well-reputed
show examples
 universities and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of courses
drive
Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
show examples
 students to urban
areas
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 provide a blend of social events, cultural events, and an opportunity to interact with a diverse range of individuals.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, rural
areas
Use synonyms
 have limited
access
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 to the healthcare centres, entertaiment and basic amenities
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 compared to modern
Use synonyms
cities
Punctuation problem
cities,
show examples
 it is easily accessible. The positive aspect of urban living is that it leads to personal development and improved standards of living.
Firstly
Linking Words
, urban living significantly contributes to the
overall
Linking Words
 personality development because
cities
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 expose individuals to
people
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 from
diverse
Correct article usage
a diverse
show examples
 variety of
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
. Day-to-day interaction with different groups can help residents become more open-minded and confident.
For example
Linking Words
, the youth moving to larger
cities
Use synonyms
 have to communicate with
people
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 from various background which enables them to develop their interpersonal skills.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
cities
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 provide easier
access
Use synonyms
 to all basic services and modern amenities
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 required to improve the quality of life. Residents can benefit from better healthcare facilities, educational institutions and public transportation. To exemplify,
people
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 have easy
access
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 to specialised hospitals and universities without travelling long distances.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the migration of young
people
Use synonyms
 from rural
areas
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 to
cities
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 may have some drawbacks, I believe that the advantages clearly outweigh the disadvantages. Better educational opportunities, higher-paying jobs, improved
access
Use synonyms
 to essential services
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 greater opportunities for personal development can significantly enhance their quality of life and future career prospects.

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Task response
Estimated score: 6. Your answer is clear, but it is not fully complete. The question asks for advantages or disadvantages. You mainly discuss advantages, and only say that there may be drawbacks. Add at least one real drawback, such as high living costs, stress, or fewer young people left in rural areas.
Task response
Give a more direct answer in the first paragraph. For example: “This happens because cities have better schools and jobs. Although city life can be costly, I believe its benefits are greater.”
Task response
Some reasons are repeated. Better jobs, better schools, and better services appear more than once. Use one paragraph for reasons and one or two paragraphs for effects, with new points in each.
Coherence and cohesion
Your first body paragraph has many points in one long part. Split it into shorter, clearer parts. Put education and jobs together, then put health care and other services in another part.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links more naturally. Too many “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “Thirdly” can sound like a list. You can also use “In addition”, “As a result”, and “However”.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the order match the question more closely: first explain why young people move, then discuss the good and bad sides, and finally give your view.
Task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give reasons for the move and explain the good side of city life.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear: study, work, health care, and better services. Your examples about hospitals, schools, and meeting new people fit the topic.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body, and end. Each main paragraph has one clear point.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, and “To conclude”. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Metropolitan
  • Career advancement
  • Higher education institutions
  • Cultural diversity
  • Infrastructure
  • Rural exodus
  • Standard of living
  • Networking
  • Overcrowding
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Quality of life
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