IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that people who earn extremely high salaries are beneficial to the country, while others believe that the government should limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, there has been
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
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 debate about whether
people
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 should be allowed to earn extremely high
salaries
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.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that high
salaries
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 are beneficial for a country's economic growth, others argue that governments should control and limit the amount
people
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 can earn.
This
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 essay will discuss
both
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 views before presenting my own opinion.
Firstly
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, many
people
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 believe that allowing
individuals
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 to earn high
salaries
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 can benefit the country's economy. The primary reason is that highly skilled professions require extensive training and experience.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that professionals
such
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 as doctors, nurses and engineers need several years of specialised education and training before they can practise independently.
For instance
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, higher
salaries
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 can encourage talented
people
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 to enter demanding professions and develop valuable skills.
Consequently
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, allowing
people
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 to earn high
salaries
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 can motivate
individuals
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 to pursue skilled careers and contribute to economic development.
However
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, others argue that governments should limit extremely high
salaries
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 because they can increase inequality in society. They claim that a large difference between the incomes of wealthy and low-income
people
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 can create social divisions. A good example of
this
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 is that high-income families may be able to afford better education and professional opportunities for their children,
while
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 poorer families may struggle to access the same opportunities.
As a result
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, income inequality can become more deeply established in society. From my perspective, governments should introduce a progressive tax system rather than directly limiting
salaries
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 because
this
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 approach can benefit
both
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individuals
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 and the government.
To conclude
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,
although
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both
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 views have their own merits, I believe that a progressive tax system is a better way to address income inequality than directly limiting
salaries
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.
This
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 would allow
people
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 to be rewarded for their skills
while
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also
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 generating additional revenue for public services.
Overall
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,
this
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 approach would provide long-term benefits for
both
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individuals
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 and society.

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task response
Score: 7. To reach 8, give a fuller reason for why very high pay helps the whole country. For example, say that top workers may start firms, make new things, or pay more tax.
task response
The example about doctors, nurses, and engineers is useful, but nurses may not get extremely high pay. Use clearer examples, such as top doctors, business leaders, sports stars, or tech experts.
task response
Your own view is good, but explain how higher tax would work. Say that people can still earn a lot, but they pay a bigger part of very high income to help fund schools, health care, and other public needs.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. The flow is clear, but some links repeat the same idea. Try to make each sentence add one new point, not restate the last one.
coherence and cohesion
In the second body part, your own view comes at the end of the other side. This is fine, but it may be clearer to put your full view in a short new paragraph before the end.
coherence and cohesion
Add a short topic sentence that clearly shows the main point of each body part. This will make the plan even easier to see.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your view is clear: use higher tax, not a limit on pay.
task response
Your main points are on topic. You explain why high pay can bring skilled people into hard jobs, and why very high pay can make the gap between rich and poor bigger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: start, first view, second view and your view, then end.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Firstly”, “However”, “For instance”, “As a result”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
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