IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life, but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that participating in team
sports
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 can prepare
children
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 for their future careers,
while
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 others believe that individual activities are more beneficial. Both perspectives have clear advantages;
however
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, I believe that team-based
sports
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 provide better preparation for professional life. On the one hand, individual
sports
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 can be beneficial for several reasons. The main advantage is clear
:
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:
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 they teach
children
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 to become independent and self-disciplined.
This
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 is important because young athletes must set their own goals, manage their time, and remain motivated without depending on teammates.
In addition
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, individual activities encourage personal responsibility, which can lead to greater confidence.
For example
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, a young swimmer may practise every morning without being reminded by others;
as a result
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, the child can develop strong self-discipline.
Therefore
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, it is understandable why some people support
this
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 view.
On the other hand
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, I believe that team
sports
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 offer greater benefits. The main reason is clear
:
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:
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 they help
children
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 develop important communication skills. Not only does
this
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 improve their ability to work with others, but it
also
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 teaches them how to share responsibilities.
Moreover
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, young players learn to deal with disagreements and respect different opinions.
For instance
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, football players must communicate and cooperate during a match;
consequently
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, they develop skills that can later be useful in the workplace.
Therefore
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, I consider
this
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 approach more practical and effective. In conclusion, individual
sports
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 certainly offer independence and self-discipline;
however
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, I believe that team
sports
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 are preferable because they develop communication and cooperation skills.
Overall
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,
this
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 approach is likely to prepare
children
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 more effectively for their future careers.

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overall score
Score: 7. This is a clear and well-planned essay. To get a higher score, add more depth to each main idea.
task response
Your answer is complete, but the ideas are a little general. Explain more clearly how sport skills become work skills. For example, say that football players may learn to plan with others, solve problems fast, and work toward one shared goal.
task response
The first body paragraph says individual sports build self-discipline. Add one more work link, such as: this can help a worker finish a task on time without close help from a boss.
task response
Your view is clear, but you could make it stronger by saying that work life needs both self-control and team work. Then explain why team work is more important in most jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is very clear. However, you use “The main reason is clear” in both body paragraphs. Use different words so the writing does not sound the same.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are slightly too fixed, such as “Therefore, it is understandable why some people support this view.” You can use a more direct end to the paragraph: “This is why individual sports can be useful for work life.”
coherence and cohesion
Add a short sentence that links the two sides before your opinion. For example: “Although these skills are useful, most jobs also need people to work well with others.”
task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view: team sports are better for work life.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your main ideas, such as the swimmer and the football players.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: start, one side, other side, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
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