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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, inspite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, there has been a growing debate about whether teenage or adult
life
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 is the happiest
period
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 in people's lives.
While
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 some people believe that teenage
life
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 is the best
period
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, others argue that adult
life
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 is happier despite its
responsibilities
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion.
Firstly
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, many people believe that the teenage years are the best
period
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 of a person's
life
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. The primary reason is that teenagers have fewer
responsibilities
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.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that they can focus mainly on their studies and social activities without having to manage major financial or family
responsibilities
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.
For instance
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, teenagers are often supported by their parents with household expenses, which allows them to concentrate on education and spend time with their friends.
Consequently
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, they may experience a relatively carefree and enjoyable
period
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 of
life
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.
However
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, others argue that adult
life
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 is a better
period
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 of
life
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. They claim that adults can live independently and make their own decisions. A good example of
this
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 is that adults can buy their own homes, travel around the world and make important decisions about their lives, which can make them feel happier.
As a result
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, adults may enjoy greater freedom and independence. From my perspective, I believe that teenage
life
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 is happier because teenagers generally have fewer
responsibilities
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 and can enjoy more carefree experiences.
To conclude
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,
although
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 both views have their own merits, I believe that teenage
life
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because
Verb problem
has
show examples
 less stress and
no much
Correct determiner usage
not many
show examples
responsibilities
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.
Overall
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,
this
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 approach would provide long-term benefits for both individuals and society.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is on the topic and covers both views. To get a higher score, explain why freedom in adult life may bring deep, long-term joy, not only more choice.
task response
Your own view is clear, but make it stronger. Say why fewer duties make teens happier than adults, and add one more clear example.
task response
The last line about benefits for “individuals and society” does not fit this topic. End by restating your view about happiness instead.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order of ideas is easy to follow. Still, the second body part needs more detail before the final sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are too simple or repeat the same idea. Use clear cause links: “This means that…”, “Because of this…”, and “Therefore…”.
coherence and cohesion
Your final sentence is not a full clear sentence: “I believe that teenage life because less stress and no much responsibilities.” Write: “I believe that teenage life is happier because it has less stress and fewer duties.”
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your main ideas are clear: teens have less stress, while adults have more choice.
task response
You use examples for both sides, such as help from parents and the chance to travel or buy a home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Firstly”, “However”, “For instance”, “As a result”, and “To conclude” well.
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