IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many jobs used to be done by hand, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development.

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In
this
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 current climate, advancements in technology alter every aspect of human life
ranging
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, ranging
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 from our personal lifestyle to industrial areas. In the
past
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past,
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 more workforces were involved in many professions
,
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;
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however
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,
nowadays
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nowadays,
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 it has undergone changes by replacing mechanical systems. Despite the fact that
this
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 alteration has its disadvantages, I would argue that there are more advantages. In
this
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 essay, I am going to elaborate on some benefits and drawbacks of the given topic. On the one hand, machine-based work would be done faster and more
accurate
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accurately
 in comparison with handiwork. If systems were programmed properly to elaborate every detail in minimum time, they would perform precisely.
Consequently
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, the quality of the outcome would
considerably be
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be considerably
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 increased.
For instance
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, in the past
accountants
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, accountants
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 used to calculate huge amounts of money and gather myriad data manually. Regardless of difficulties in counting and covering all of
this
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 information, lots of human mistakes probably were involved, causing ineffective function.
Nonetheless
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, modern computers today make these processes
more quick and
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quicker and more
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 explicit.
Moreover
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, in some cases, replacing machines with staff could bring about financial benefits.
This
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 happens when devices
could
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can
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 perform
equivalent
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tasks equivalent
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 to several workforces
which
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, which
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 decreases the needs of many
staffs
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staff
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.
Subsequently
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, businesses could save money
considered for
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on
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 payments to their staff.
This
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 results in better financial circumstances for them. Irrespective of advantages, vocations operated by machines require constant observation in order to ensure
about
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apply
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proper working of systems and services. If tools were not checked by professionals in a certain period of time,
it
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they
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 might bring about major destruction.
Furthermore
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, many workers have been made redundant because employers tend to work with devices
instead
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 of recruiting individuals. In conclusion, it seems logical to accept that flawless execution of devices
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along
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, along
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 with
merits
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the merits
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 brought for financial
matters
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matters,
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 overshadow concerns about keeping equipment and fewer employees in companies.

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task response
Overall score: 6. Your ideas answer the question, but some points need more full support. Explain more clearly why job loss is a serious problem for workers, their families, and society.
task response
Be careful with your main view. You say there are more good sides, but the last part on bad sides is much shorter. Add one more clear example or explanation for the bad side, then show again why you think the good side is still greater.
task response
Some claims are too strong. Do not say machines give “flawless execution”. Machines can make mistakes, break down, or give wrong results if the data or program is wrong.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, you move from speed and care to money. This can work, but use a clearer topic sentence and make the change between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and more natural links. For example, write “However, machines also have disadvantages” instead of “Irrespective of advantages”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. For example: “This happens when devices could perform equivalent to several workforces” can be “This happens when one machine can do the work of several people.”
coherence and cohesion
Your end repeats the main view, which is good, but it is not fully clear. Write a direct final sentence, such as: “Although machines may cause job loss and need careful checks, their speed and lower cost make them more useful overall.”
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides, and you give a clear view that the good sides are stronger.
task response
Your example about accountants is on topic and helps show how machines can make work faster.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “For instance”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Productivity
  • Economic growth
  • Mass production
  • Standardization
  • Job displacement
  • Skill obsolescence
  • Overreliance
  • Income inequality
  • Social mobility
  • Technological advancements
  • Manual labor
  • Continuous learning
  • Skill development
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