IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

International travel is becoming cheaper and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists. Do the advantage if increased tourists overweigh disadvantages?

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Over the past decade,
traveling
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travelling
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 overseas has been more affordable, which
encourages
Wrong verb form
has encouraged
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 international
tourists
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 to significantly increase.
While
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 tourism contributes to the local economic growth and crossing cultural understandings between countries, the environmental damage and the negative effect on local residents
cannnot
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cannot
 be
avoidable
Replace the word
avoided
. I strongly argue that
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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 could outweigh
advantages
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the advantages
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 without strict
rules
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 for
tourists
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.
To begin
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 with,
it is clear that
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 rising
tourists
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 help the local economy grow to a certain extent, as they spend money
to
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on
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 sightseeing spots, restaurants and
transportations
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transportation
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while
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traveling
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travelling
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. In Japan, international people have increasingly enjoyed traveling rural areas far from major cities,
such
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 as Tokushima, where the
poplulation
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population
 has declined.
This
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 enriches commercial facilities in the area, resulting in increased public funding.
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Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 tourism can prompt a positive economic cycle, allowing the local government to invest in the needed
place
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infrastructure
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.
In addition
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, visiting foreign countries is worthwhile in terms of cultural understanding, allowing
indivisuals
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individuals
 to
gaining
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gain
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 multiple perspectives.
For instance
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, having
conversation
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conversations
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 with local kids in some
contries
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countries
 gave me a simple question
that
Punctuation problem
:
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 what kinds of education make the difference
of
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in
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 children's energy levels
.
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?
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This
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 experience can be a trigger to have the curiosity and deepen
knowlegde
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knowledge
 in a certain field or culture.
Thus
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,
traveling
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travelling
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 helps people have critical views and motivation to
adress
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address
 social issues.
However
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, the outlined points above, the negative impact on the environment has expanded
by
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due to
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 overtourism, as too many
tourists
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 can damage historical heritages or natural habitats easily
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some do not follow the
rule
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rules
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 in the place. In Thailand, the issue that a lot of divers harm coral near local small
ilands
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islands
 has been
emarged
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raised
, leading to the regulation of the total
amount
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number
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 of
tourists
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.
This
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 could destroy the ecological system or prevent
conservation
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the conservation
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 of
cultual
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cultural
 heritages.
For
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this
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 reason, overtourism causes environmental issues to be addressed.
Moreover
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, the number of troubles between
travelers
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travellers
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 and residents has dramatically
raised
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increased
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. International
tourists
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 not following
rules
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 become a threat on peaceful and safe lives
for
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of
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 local people, throwing away the garbage, making noises in neighborhood and lacking
of
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apply
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respect for religious customs. Those
encourages
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encourage
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 local residents to
desgust
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despise
tourists
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, resulting in focusing on only the negative impact of
traveling
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travelling
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. Addressing the issue is indispensable for the government in order to engage in tourist initiatives. In summary, the present circumstances show that disadvantages on toursim outweigh advantages, as the environmental issue and lack of respect for local
rules
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 and culture have
been considerably emerged
Correct word order
emerged considerably
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.
However
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, I believe that strict
rules
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can
Wrong verb form
to
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 control
tourists
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 could strengthen the positive impact of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
,
such
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 as economic growth and cultural education.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the opening. Say clearly that the bad effects outweigh the good effects, then give the two main reasons you will use.
task response
Explain why each example proves your point. For example, after the Japan case, show more clearly how tourist money helps local people, not only public funding.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. The point about children’s energy levels is personal and not strongly linked to the main point about cultural learning.
task response
In the ending, do not weaken your answer. You say the bad effects outweigh the good ones, but then focus on rules making travel good. State your final view first, then add that rules can reduce the harm.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each paragraph. The second body paragraph has two big ideas: harm to nature and problems with local people. Give each idea its own paragraph if possible.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between sentences clearer. For example, after saying tourists spend money, explain step by step how this leads to more jobs, more tax, and better local services.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear linking words. “However, the outlined points above” does not fit well. A simple start such as “However, tourism can also cause serious harm” is clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple, exact words for your key ideas again and again: “tourism”, “tourists”, “local people”, “nature”, and “rules”. This will make the line of thought easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear view: the bad effects are greater unless there are strong rules. You also cover both good and bad sides.
task response
Your examples from Japan and Thailand make your main ideas more real and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, good points, bad points, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, “However”, and “In summary” help the reader follow your ideas.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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