IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that studying history is a waste of time, while others argue that it is essential to understand the past. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people argue that learning about the past has little practical value,
whereas
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 others think historical knowledge is crucial for making sense of the present. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 statement. Some people argue that school time could be spent on subjects more directly tied to getting a job, rather than studying events from the past.
However
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, I believe we can learn from past mistakes and avoid repeating them. As Albert Einstein once said, "Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results." An enormous number of people died and lost their jobs, money and homes
all
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, all
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because of wars. But we should not let these feelings take over, and make you depressed or ashamed,
for example
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, Japan lost everything because of WWII and look at them now, they have their own identity and
one
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are one
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 of the biggest countries in the whole world. History is useful when we focus on the lessons it offers and connect past events to today, rather than just
memorizing
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memorising
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 facts.
However
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, we should not focus on history by itself; we can
also
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 build our future and improve our lives for the better.

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task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain why some people think history has little use, such as when school time is needed for work skills, science, or money skills. Then give equal detail to why history matters.
task response
Make your opinion more direct. The line “I agree with this statement” is not clear because the question gives two different views. Say clearly that you believe history is important, while other subjects are important too.
task response
Develop each example. The war example needs a clear lesson, such as how knowledge of past wars may help leaders stop hate and avoid new war. The Japan example should clearly show how learning from the past helped the country move on.
task response
Add a short ending that repeats your main view and brings both sides together.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: first paragraph for the topic and your view; second for the view that history has little use; third for the view that history is important; last for your ending.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas move too fast. For example, the paragraph goes from jobs, to war, to feelings, to Japan. Give one main point in each paragraph and explain it before moving on.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. Try: “On the one hand”, “For this reason”, “In contrast”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence fit the next idea. “In my opinion, I agree with this statement” can be changed to: “I believe history is still an important subject because it teaches lessons for the future.”
task response
You give a clear view: history can help people learn from past mistakes.
task response
You use examples about war and Japan to show why the past can matter.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear main idea, and most sentences stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “However”, “for example”, and “rather than”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • history
  • learn
  • time
  • waste
  • essential
  • past
  • present
  • future
  • people
  • facts
  • dates
  • change
  • cause
  • effect
  • lesson
  • skill
  • idea
  • thinking
  • decision
  • example
  • proof
  • build
  • plan
  • work
  • study
  • school
  • war
  • peace
  • mistake
  • success
  • evidence
  • compare
  • culture
  • society
  • memory
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