IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, whether
students
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 acquire
further
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fields
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 apart from their core major is a matter of debate. Personally, I am convinced that achieving more knowledge in various
fields
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 is of the essence. Some believe that learning additional majors is highly essential for university
students
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.
To begin
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 with, gaining
further
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 information about different
subjects
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 can significantly broaden student’s minds.
This
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 not only paves the way for learning their main major but
also
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 extends their horizon in personal and occupational spheres of life. Because there is a great chance that these knowledges are not all parallel, but they may
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
partly overlap.
Moreover
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, being aware of different
fields
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in addition
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 to a core major brings about higher job opportunities for
such
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students
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.
For example
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, if a student had been studying Spanish and French during his university course, he would have encountered more job opportunities right after graduation.
On the other hand
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, some argue that
students
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 have to only focus on the main major in the university. They claim that studying different
subjects
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 would distract
students
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 from their core
subjects
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.
This
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 is because they lose track of
time
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on learning
Change preposition
to learn
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 other things rather than their own lessons.
That is
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 to say, the more they pursue other
fields
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, the less they concentrate on their main assignments.
For instance
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, they may fail their exams
due to
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 squandering their precious
time
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 on side items.
However
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,
time
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 management can considerably help them overcome
this
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 issue. By way of conclusion,
according to
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 the aforementioned ideas, I accept that the advantages of learning additional majors
outbalance
Verb problem
outweigh
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 the drawbacks.
Therefore
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,
time
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 management is one of the chief factors that bring
this
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 potential for
students
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 to work on a couple of
subjects
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 simultaneously without compromising their concentration.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to further clarify the introduction by restating both views briefly before you state your opinion. This will make your essay more coherent.
task achievement
Ensure that all examples used directly bolster the points being made. Adding a few more specific, relevant examples would enhance your arguments.
task achievement
Be careful with minor grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures, as they can slightly affect clarity. Proofreading your essay can help you catch these small mistakes.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views in a balanced manner and provides a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of arguments is quite strong, and paragraphs are well-connected.
coherence and cohesion
The language used is sophisticated and shows a good command of vocabulary.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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