IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that price is the only consideration when buying something. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

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In modern
an era
Check wording
times
show examples
, money
takes
Verb problem
plays
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 an essential part in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Numerios
Correct your spelling
Numerous
 individuals believe
if
Correct word choice
that if
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 we want to have something they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
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, the
amount of prices mast be considerable, yet that
Correct word order
price must be considerable, yet that's
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 what trualy happening for
few
Correct article usage
a few
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customars
Correct your spelling
customers
. From my view, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view. Price can differ between
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
finanically
Correct your spelling
financially
 when they purchase
product
Correct article usage
a product
show examples
, which can
be
Verb problem
apply
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appear
ability
Change preposition
as the ability
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 to buy the
expancive
Correct your spelling
expensive
 products. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
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as
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apply
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, some
human
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humans
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 think “Money”
the
Verb problem
is the
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 most significant
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while
Correct word choice
when
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 they
consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
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 something they want.
when
Capitalize the word
When
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 they make decisions, they usually choose to buy stuff which is in line with their budget, and naturally, they only take notice of how much
are
Verb problem
apply
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these
goods
Use synonyms
.
Verb problem
cost.
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Furthermore
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, from different aspects, some humans often opt for budget-friendly commodities after they compare every brand and find
there
Correct word choice
that there
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 are no particular differences
,
Punctuation problem
;
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in other words
Linking Words
, their qualities are similar.
Accordingly
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, arguably, some who want to
economize
Change the spelling
economise
show examples
 are inclined to buy cheaper
goods
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.
On the contrary
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, as previously stated, I argue against the idea that consumers
only are
Correct word order
are only
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 concerned about prices.
For example
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, I believe some humans are health-conscious, and
therefore
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, they are aware of freshness
,
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apply
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 and ingredients, and they may
prioritize
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prioritise
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 the traceability of products in order to make sure the food they eat is nutritious and
benevolent
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beneficial
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 to their bodies.
Furthermore
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,
while
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 consumers source merchandise, most of them hope to get their money's worth, so they not only consider the cost of products but
also
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 the value itself
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 the durability and benefits that
goods
Use synonyms
 bring to buyers.
That is
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, most
people
Use synonyms
 bargain for things they acquire better than they expected. In a nutshell,
people
Use synonyms
 choose things based on various purposes
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they can not notice the price
only
Rephrase
apply
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without paying attention to other factors.
Additionally
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, I feel the majority of consumers are smart, they take stock of every purchase and evaluate if purchases are up to scratch in
people
Use synonyms
's minds, and afterwards, buyers make discretion to or not to take
goods
Use synonyms
 on shelves.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. Say that price is important, but it is not the only thing people look at. Then keep this same idea in each body part.
task response
Use more real and full examples. For example, compare a cheap phone that breaks soon with a more costly phone that lasts for years. This will make your ideas easier to see and trust.
task response
The first body part mostly says that price is important. Link it more clearly to your view by saying that this is true for some people, but not for all buyers.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each paragraph. In the first body part, talk only about budget. In the next, talk only about health or product quality. This will make the order clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter sentences. Some sentences have too many ideas, so the meaning is hard to follow. For example, split long lines into two or three simple sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. Try simple forms such as “First”, “For this reason”, “However”, and “As a result”. Do not use many link words if they do not add a clear meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part more direct. Restate your view in one clear sentence, then name the two main reasons: people also think about quality and health.
task response
You give a clear view in the first part: you do not agree that price is the only thing people think about. You also give two main sides: price matters for people with less money, but health and value matter too.
task response
Your food example is linked to the question. It shows well that people may look at fresh food, what is in it, and where it came from, not just its price.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Words such as “On the contrary”, “For example”, and “In a nutshell” help the reader follow your main path.
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