IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species ,for example the tiger or the blue whale . To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Many
people
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 think that spending
money
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 to protect endangered
animals
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,
such
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 as tigers and blue whales, is a waste of
money
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. I disagree with
this
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 opinion because these
animals
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 are important for nature, and protecting them can
also
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 help
people
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.
Firstly
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, every animal has an important role in the environment. If one species disappears, it can affect other
animals
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 and plants.
For example
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, tigers help control the number of other
animals
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 in forests. Without them, the balance of nature could be damaged.
Therefore
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, governments should spend
money
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 on protecting endangered species.
Secondly
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, endangered
animals
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 can bring benefits to
people
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. Many tourists travel to see rare
animals
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 in national parks, which helps local businesses and creates jobs.
In addition
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, scientists study these
animals
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 to learn more about nature and sometimes make new discoveries that can help humans. Because of
this
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, protecting wildlife is a good investment for the future. Some
people
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 believe that
money
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 should only be spent on problems like healthcare, education, or poverty. These are very important issues, but governments can support both
people
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 and the environment. If we do not protect endangered
animals
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 today, future generations may never have the chance to see them. In conclusion, I do not think it is a waste of
money
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 to save endangered species. They are important for the environment, they can help the economy, and they should be protected for future generations.

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task response
Make your main ideas more full by saying more about how each point works. For example, explain what may happen in a forest if there are too many plant-eating animals after tigers are gone.
task response
Give one more real or clear example for the money point. You could say that people who visit a park may pay for hotels, food, guides, and travel, so local people can get work.
task response
Your paragraph about health, school, and poor people is good, but it could answer the other side more strongly. Say that some money can be set aside for animal care while most money still goes to key human needs.
coherence and cohesion
Add smoother links between some ideas. For example, after the first main point, you can write: “This is not only good for nature; it can also help people in many ways.”
coherence and cohesion
Some points are a little short. Use a clear pattern in each main part: state the point, explain it, give an example, and say how it supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using “important” many times. You can use simple choices such as “needed”, “valuable”, or “good for nature” to make the writing less repeated.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep it through the whole essay. You answer the question directly and give two clear reasons: nature and help for people.
task response
Your examples are on topic. The point about tigers keeping the number of other animals under control is clear and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two main parts, the other view, and an ending. This makes it easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words well, such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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