IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries government are interesting in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening Do you think this is an appreciate use of government money?

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In
this
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essey
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essay
 I will discuss that currently many country governments are keen to invest in new
techonologies
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technologies
 to deal with the public service
I
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. I
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will explore why
this
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 is the case and make a personal statement if
this
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 is a wise way to spend the government money.
Indeed
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Indeed,
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 governments around the world are curious about investing
into
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in
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 new technologies and see the potential that
this
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 will help in many different areas
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such
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, such
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 as
in
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apply
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security surveillance and
in
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apply
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automation processes. In the world of Artificial
Intelligence
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Intelligence,
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 many jobs can be replaced
and
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, and
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 processes can be made more efficient.
For
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example
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example,
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 parking plates can be scanned much faster
and
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, and
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 if a citizen has parked longer
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then
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than
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 allowed
the
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, the
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 penalty process can be fastened up tremendously. Increasing efficiency and speeding up the
automatization
Replace the word
automation
 process means
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also that public jobs can
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that public jobs can also
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 be reduced.
This
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also
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 comes with the consequence that local people have to do more and more online and park
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for
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, for
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example
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example,
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 with the use of an app on the phone or send an email
instead
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 of dealing with a person face to face. I think that each country has to find a healthy balance between increasing
effeciency
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efficiency
 and maintaining jobs. Since investing
into
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in
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 new
techonologies
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technologies
 can clearly bring benefits and
also
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 make
daily
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the daily
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 lives of people more efficient. At the same time, with more
techonlogy
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technology
 we are
lossing
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losing
 the healthy day to day interactions and
also
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 finding personal solutions rather than solving everything
immediatly
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immediately
.
Therefore
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 i see the benefits outweighing the risks.

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Task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why governments want new technology, then give a clear view on whether this use of public money is right. Your view is clear at the end, but it could be stated more clearly in the first part too.
Task response
Develop the main ideas with more detail. For example, say how faster parking checks can save time and money, and explain how this money could help other public needs.
Task response
Your point about job loss is useful, but it needs a fuller link to the question. Explain whether the cost of new systems is worth fewer jobs, and what the government can do to help people who lose work.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduce the topic and your view; explain why governments use technology; discuss good and bad sides; then give a short final answer.
Coherence and cohesion
Some ideas move too fast. The second body part starts with efficiency, then moves to people using apps. Add a clear link such as: “However, this change may also cause problems for some people.”
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. The first body paragraph could focus on speed and safety. The next could focus on jobs and less face-to-face help.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the path of your ideas: “First,” “For example,” “However,” “As a result,” and “In the end.”
Task response
You give a clear reason for government interest: new technology can make public work faster and more efficient.
Task response
The parking example is useful and directly linked to public services.
Task response
You include both benefits and problems, such as faster services, job loss, and less face-to-face contact.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and a final view.
Coherence and cohesion
Your final paragraph returns to the main question and gives a clear overall opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • country
  • people
  • public
  • money
  • budget
  • spend
  • invest
  • technology
  • new
  • plan
  • goal
  • reason
  • benefit
  • cost
  • save
  • time
  • service
  • help
  • improve
  • system
  • data
  • privacy
  • security
  • access
  • equal
  • fair
  • risk
  • health
  • safety
  • jobs
  • economy
  • policy
  • rule
  • measure
  • review
  • idea
  • open
  • clear
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