IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it's good for a country's culture if people watch some imported film or TV programs while some people argue that it could be better if people watch films of their own culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the contemporary digital epoch, preserving the distinctive identity of individual ethnic groups has emerged as a paramount concern. The relentless march of technological innovation has effectively dismantled geographical frontiers, rendering cultural cross-pollination virtually inevitable.
While
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 a segment of society contends that consuming imported cinematographic and television content yields profound cognitive and social dividends for citizens, others maintain that
prioritizing
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prioritising
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 domestic
media
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 is indispensable for safeguarding national heritage and fostering socioeconomic growth.
This
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 essay will critically evaluate both dimensions of the debate before presenting a nuanced conclusion. On the one hand, exposure to international
media
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 is an inescapable reality that can significantly broaden a population's horizons. In an increasingly
globalized
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globalised
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 world, modern communication technologies have democratized access to foreign entertainment, making any protectionist censorship both impractical and counterproductive.
For instance
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, the global hegemony of the English language over recent decades has not merely acted as a linguistic bridge, but has
also
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 facilitated the exchange of universal human values through cinema. Embracing
such
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 external cultural
artifacts
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artefacts
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 allows a citizenry to cultivate cosmopolitan perspectives, which ultimately drives national progress by fostering innovation, tolerance, and adaptability within the workforce. On the
counterparts
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other hand
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, the unmitigated influx of foreign
media
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 can be perceived as an existential threat to local customs, morals, and linguistic traditions. Proponents of
this
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 view assert that a state's primary cultural mandate should be the stewardship and promotion of its indigenous creative industries. A nation’s collective identity is fundamentally anchored in its unique historical narratives and artistic expressions;
while
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 Western or mainstream global
media
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 may wield unmatched commercial dominance, it lacks the intrinsic authenticity and historical resonance found in traditional
localized
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localised
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 dramas. Ergo, actively nurturing a robust domestic film sector ensures that irreplaceable cultural legacies survive and thrive amidst the pressures of global homogeneity. In conclusion,
although
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 both paradigms possess compelling justifications, I firmly believe that the integration of foreign television programs and films is overwhelmingly advantageous. Rather than eroding local values, the consumption of international
media
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 enriches the domestic cultural fabric, fostering cross-cultural empathy and global harmony
while
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 concurrently equipping citizens with a broader, more inclusive worldview.

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task response
Give a more direct opinion in the opening. Say at once that people should watch both, but that foreign films can be useful when local films are also supported. This would make your position clear from the start.
task response
Use more real and specific examples. For example, explain how a local TV drama can teach young people about a country’s history, or how an imported film can help people learn another language. Your English-language example is useful, but it is broad and does not focus fully on films or TV.
task response
Explain more clearly how foreign films lead to “national progress”. The link from watching films to better work skills is not fully shown. Add one or two steps between the cause and the result.
task response
Your final view says foreign media is better, but it does not say enough about how local culture should still be protected. Add a short idea such as support for local film makers, local shows on TV, or school projects about local stories.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between each paragraph and the question more direct. Start the first main paragraph with a sentence like: “Watching imported films can be good for a country’s culture because it helps people understand other cultures.”
coherence and cohesion
The phrase “On the counterparts” is not natural. Use “On the other hand” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hold many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences so that each point is easier to follow. For example, the sentence about global media, local dramas, and history could be split into two or three sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer very formal or hard words when a simple word is enough. Clear words can make your ideas easier to read and more natural.
task response
You discuss both sides clearly and give your own view in the last paragraph. Your main ideas stay close to the question.
task response
The essay gives clear reasons for watching films from other countries, such as learning about other people and having a wider view of the world. It also explains how home-made films can keep local history, language, and ways of life alive.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. The ideas move in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On the one hand”, “For instance”, “In conclusion”, and “Rather than” help the reader follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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