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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The shown Line graph below illustrates the condition of participation by club members to different courses. Summaries and make comparisons where relevant.

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the
Capitalize the word
The
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 given line graph illustrates the number of individuals who take part
by
Change preposition
in
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 three sport clubs between
in
Change preposition
apply
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1995
to
Correct word choice
and
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 2015. Looking from
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
an overall
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 perspective, it is readily apparent that swimming had by far the highest
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of all the
tree
Use the right word
three
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 clubs
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 after it was the lowest figure.
While
Linking Words
 gym activities had significant growth. Looking into the data in more
ditail
Correct your spelling
detail
, the holding rate of swimming was the highest
than
Change preposition
among
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 other club members at 50% in 1995.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it
was decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
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 considerably to approximately 20% in 2010.
Linking Words
Then
Punctuation problem
Then,
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 swimming
was stayed
Verb problem
remained
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 the same
to
Change preposition
until
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 2015. On the other side, participants of team sports started at 30% in 1995 and be stabled 1 year,
then
Linking Words
decade
Correct article usage
a decade
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 later it continuously increased to 40% in 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, team sport started moderatly dropped to 30%
at the end
Linking Words
 of
period
Correct article usage
the period
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the gym activities had
great
Correct article usage
a great
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rose
Replace the word
rise
, from near 10% in 1995 to around 30% in 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
was
Verb problem
apply
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also
Linking Words
 stayed constand
last
Linking Words
one
Correct determiner usage
apply
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year as
for
Use the right word
far
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 as
,
Correct determiner usage
the
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 swimming club.

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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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