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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
An increasing number of companies are choosing to advertise their
products
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 and services through various channels, making
advertisements
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 a
remaining
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
part of everyday life. From my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development because it encourages unnecessary consumption and can mislead people into making financially detrimental decisions.
Body paragraph 1
The primary concern about
advertisements
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 is that they can motivate customers to purchase
products
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 that they
dont
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don't
 really need. By constantly presenting new
products
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 as essential, desirable or trendy,
advertisements
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 can create artificial needs and persuade people that their current possessions are no longer sufficient.
As a result
Linking Words
, individuals may make impulsive purchases and develop
increasingly
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an increasingly
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 materialistic lifestyle.
For instance
Linking Words
, frequent
advertisements
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 for the latest
smart phones
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smartphones
 may convince customers to replace their perfectly functional devices because newer models are demonstrated as
more superior and
Correct word order
superior and more
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 modern.
Body paragraph 2
An additional reason for my stance is that they can mislead and manipulate consumers. Companies often show
most
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the most
show examples
 attractive features of their
products
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which
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, which
show examples
 can create unrealistic expectations among buyers.
For example
Linking Words
, a skincare advertisement may present a product as capable of producing results
while
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 failing to mention
its
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that its
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effectivenes
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effectiveness
 can vary from person to person.
Consequently
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, consumers may make wrong
purchasing
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purchases
 based on exaggerated or incomplete information rather than the actual quality of
products
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 it has become more popular for companies to make exaggerated claims on their
products
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, it has brought about too many problems, like manipulating consumers or impulsive purchases
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 to
considered
Verb problem
be considered
show examples
 a positive trend.

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task response
Make the second main point more full. Say more about how ads can hide key facts, such as price, side effects, or limits. Then explain how this may hurt people.
task response
In the end, do not say “although” unless you give a real opposite point. The first half of your last paragraph is not a clear positive side. State your view again in a more direct way.
task response
Use one more clear, real-life result for each point. For example, say that people may waste money, get debt, or feel unhappy with what they have.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the subject. You start with “advertisements”, but later use “they” after “companies”. Write “advertisements can mislead consumers” to make the link clear.
coherence and cohesion
Fix some small grammar and word form errors so the links between ideas are easier to read: “an increasingly materialistic lifestyle”, “smartphones”, “the most attractive features”, “effectiveness”, “make wrong purchases”, and “for this to be considered”.
coherence and cohesion
Add a short topic sentence that directly names the main idea at the start of each body part. This will make your plan even clearer to the reader.
task response
Your view is clear from the start: you see this as a negative change. You give two clear reasons: people buy things they do not need, and ads can lead people the wrong way.
task response
Your examples about new phones and skin care help show what you mean. They are linked well to your main points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part form: start, two main body parts, and end. Each body part stays on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “As a result”, “For instance”, “For example”, and “Consequently”. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • economic growth
  • provide information
  • awareness
  • job opportunities
  • manipulative
  • misleading
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • invade
  • personal space
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